Bike Graveyard
June 23rd, 2009
Found On: Seattle Craigslist
There are a dozen or so bikes… mostly for parts, but I’m sure several of them can be made to work fine. Must take all of them.
We’re going to need to send in a crew of bicycle forensics experts – “CSI”-style – to figure out what we have here, and how this massacre happened. Some of the bikes may be identifiable only from dental records – gears have teeth, right? After some time in a lab with some techno music playing in the background, we may learn who is responsible. One hopes that some distraught families will finally get closure on a grim chapter of their lives.
“Mr. Smith, we have news about your bicycle . . .”
The first thing I thought of is the Body Farm (University of Tennessee Anthropological Research Facility) where they lay out cadavers for varying time periods to study decomposition. Only this is with bikes. So much more disturbing.
Like the Elephants, bicycles disappear off to their sacred burial grounds to await for the great spirit to take them. Must be a local Indian tribe trying to dispose of them so as to build gaming casino. Hopefully Schwin will come to their aid before this desecration happens.
There might be something wrong with me, but I desperately want those bicycles. They are the most beautiful bicycles I have ever seen.
On the other hand, there’s a bunch of equally deceased ones in the river, just a few blocks from here. I should be able to fund an expedition and fish some of them out. Though they will never be like these.
@Kristian
But you might get an old shopping cart as a free gift! decisions, decisions. LOL.
Color me paranoid, but I think my meth lab is attracting too much attention. Come take these bikes I stole as a kid, I don’t want to get busted for them.
Call day or night, I’m always up.
@BIG123
Omg one of those bikes looks like the one that was stolen from me as a kid, No I’m serious it does. Really NO JOKE
The whole “must take all of them” is the kicker. There might be a useful or at least sculptural bit in there somewhere, and I might even dig through them all to find it. But take responsibility for disposing of the rest?
*In a British nature documentary narrator voice*
“Here, at the Bicycle Graveyard, we see the final chapter of life for these mighty wheeled creatures. With almost painful grace and beauty, they lie down on their sides, and within a few years of exposure to the elements, all that will be left is a rust-covered frame.
The gravity of it is deep and profound, especially seeing the newly-deceased specimen in front, the one with the metallic green hide. Beautiful and wild in life, haunting and alluring in death.”
Listen smart ass, we’re just trying to find parts for our bicycle. It’s a 1950’s Columbia girls bicycle, tires, tubes, liners, grips, decent seat, hope Columbo can find this happy home.
*In Jacques Yves Cousteau’s French-accented voice*
“Water and air, ze two essential fluids on which all life depends, have become global garbage cans. Zis graveyard is zee universal sewer.”
*In Jacques Cousteau’s French-accented voice*
“Water and air, ze two essential fluids on which all life depends, have become global garbage cans. Zis graveyard is zee universal sewer.”