Item not as described.

Found On: Cincinnati Craigslist By: Jojo

1969 16 foot fiberglass boat with fins on back. no interior, no trailer, no outboard, no title, just a boat hull. could chop it down and make a skiff. or apply for title and they will send you a new vin and title, it dont cost anything, just takes awhile to get it in the mail. bring a trailer or dont show up. Hasnt been on the ground long, dont have to take the sticks, just thru them in a couple weeks ago. need to clean up yard.

That is some salesmanship there. Let’s say I have this boat I really need to unload. It’s in bad shape, and it’s taken over my yard. The kids can’t play, I can’t invite my buddies over for barbecues, and I think there may be some rabid rodents making themselves at home in the boat’s darkest recesses. It would be great if I could get rid of this thing. So great, in fact, that I don’t even want to try to sell it. That will take too long. I’ll just give it away. I repeat, I need to get rid of this boat.

So what can I do to accomplish this? I have an idea. Before I photograph the boat, I will fill it with yard waste. An enormous bunch of sticks, obscuring the boat and reminding people of the Blair Witch Project. That will help move this thing. I may also set it on fire. No, wait, here’s what I’ll do. I will put a life-sized cardboard cut-out of Hitler in front of the boat. Oh, man! No, now I have it – I will decapitate two stray dogs. I will sew their heads onto a third dog. I will photograph this Cerberus-like monstrosity in front of the boat, with the Hitler cut-out holding the leash!* Bang! I’m pretty sure I have this sales thing down. Now, what should I do to spice up the Hyundai I’m selling . . .

*Did this one go a l’il bit too far? No? I didn’t think so, either.

Nit Picker as-is as-is, boat, broken, dirty, manual labor, useless