Black Couch
November 16th, 2009
Found On: Bay Area
“17 years old. NO animals have urinated on it.”
“Let’s see, what’s the nicest thing I can say about this couch? What’s my angle, my selling point? How do I convince someone they need this? ‘It has a pleasant scent’? No, that would be a lie. ‘It’s attractive in a flophouse-chic way’? No, there’s really no such thing, they’d see right through that. ‘It’s not stuffed with gunpowder’? Close, but come on, neither are my giveaway-competitors’ couches. I need something to distinguish this one from others. I know . . .”
How about “It doesn’t have a dead snake in it?”
Well, it can’t have *everything*
What about defecated on it… How can you reassure me that hasn’t happened!
A Ha! I see you can’t!
No deal
Well, I guess the fact that no animals have urinated on it is a good thing… but how many humans have urinated on it? You didn’t mention people, did you?
Well, technically humans are animals.
No animals? *NO* animals? That’s a mighty definite “NO” to be putting out there so casually, dude. No houseflies? No dust mites? Or is your mouth writing checks your ass is not prepared to cash, hunh, mister?
No mention of other bodily fluids, or the smell of stale beer and puke, though. They’re getting more creative.
I bought a coffee maker and on the box it states “…drip less coffee pot…”. Do I have to go explain anymore.
Maybe they actually meant “No, animals HAVE urinated on it”, answering the expected question when purchasing any couch on Craigslist, “Animals haven’t urinated on this couch, right?”
Is it sad that i actually want that couch in my house?
I’m just wondering how Macy’s has missed this obvious selling point in all their furniture ads.
You cannot rush genius.
I was thinking the same thing as Joe Mama.
I think they capitalized the wrong word. No ANIMALS have urinated on it.