Item not as described.

Hello fellow craigslurkers and bargain hunters. I wanted to to introduce you to the marvelous work of Sara Lorimer of Lovely Listing. She and her real estate combing cronies have been collecting the most hilarious, sad, and simply mind boggling images from real estate listings all over the world. I include for you, a sampling:

Escape From Hamster Hoosgow – Lovely Listing

Imagine Them Tap Dancing! – Lovely Listing

Cats are okay – purrrrrr – Lovely Listing

Junktown Jerky Vendor A Word From the MgMt, Epic Listing alf, chair, hamster, lovely listing, pants, real estate, sara, wtf

Found By: Catherine B in Seattle

any questions call – eight foot round

A phrase you just don’t hear very often – Merry Go Round of the Damned.

As we speak, I’m pretty sure somebody in the prop department working on one of the 200-or-so teen vampire movies being rushed into production is headed to Seattle to pick this up.

It will emphasize the vampire’s ironic dilemma – a decrepit soul in the body of a fresh-faced young model – with another irony – a childhood plaything, rusted and ruined. “I just want to cavort again, carefree, but oh, what has become of me?” [vampire looks off in the distance, camera catches glint off left fang]. I see this merry go round taking a few Teen Choice awards next year.

Don’t give this away, Dreamworks will pay you bank.

Junktown Jerky Vendor Spooky

This Listing is so freakin’ Epic I had to post it as is. – Junktown Jerky Vendor

For a crime they didn’t commit.

Found by: Horselover Phat in Portland. The Original Listing(while it lasts.)

These men promptly escaped from a maximum security stockade to the Pacific Northwest underground. Today, still wanted by the government, they survive as soldiers of fortune. If you have a problem, if no one else can help, and if you can find them, maybe you can hire…  The A Team.

1979 Ford Econoline, straight six. $999 runs great, leaks auto tranny fluid so you need to add it every now and then. Roll harder than any motherfucker on the street -includes sticker ready to be applied by the new owner.

Junktown Jerky Vendor Epic Listing a team, epic, van

Found On: Bay Area Craigslist

One expired on Sept 08 the other Nov 08. But they still have the cellophane on them.

Sweet, they still have the cellophane on them. Something for the baby to play with after we’ve fed him long-expired food.

Junktown Jerky Vendor delicious baby, expired, food, partially used

Found On: Bay Area Craigslist

The post describes this as a couch, but it could just as easily have said “Free Bigfoot” or “Free Loch Ness Monster.”

It’s hard to get a good shot of a frightened couch, as it flees into the night.

Junktown Jerky Vendor Spooky blurry, couch, entity, furniture, supernatural

Found On: Bay Area Craigslist

Perfect for boat races!

Obviously, this will need a part or two (or 334) before it’s perfect for anything, but that aside, what about this semi-boat makes it seem especially race-worthy? If anything, it looks like a pretty non-hydrodynamic example of boatdom. Why is it any more perfect for a boat race than, say, this motorcycle frame is for motorcycle races?

Found On: Bay Area

Or this trashcan is for trashcan races?

Found On: Bay Area

Junktown Jerky Vendor Some Assembly Required boat, busted, suggested uses

Found On: Bay Area Craigslist

Honey, let’s go camping! By “camping,” I mean admitting that we have failed in every possible way, and that we deserve only the worst of everything.

Junktown Jerky Vendor classy aftermarket upgrades, camper, depressing, failure, kludge

Found On: Bay Area Craigslist

NO WARRANTY. AS IS. NO DELIVERY.

As is? Do you promise? Because if I show up for this behemoth and find that bottle of white zin and collection of off-brand energy drinks are gone, my afternoon plans will be shot in the ass.

Junktown Jerky Vendor as-is appliance, as-is, unwieldy