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Birthday Supplies

August 15th, 2009

Funny-Classifieds-BirthdaySupplies
Found On: Ramona Craigslist By: Erin B

Used one time last weekend for a first birthday party for my son. A pinata that you could reuse, 14 blue cake plates, 4 goody bags, 5 party hats, all for a 1st birthday party!!!!!

A used pinata.

Isn’t that as desirable as, say, a used firecracker? Before you explain to me the wonders of masking tape, ask yourself, has it really come to this? I mean, sure, the economy is bad, but . . .

Nit Picker Some Assembly Required , , ,

Kind Of Wrecked

August 14th, 2009

Funny-Classifieds-Jeep
Found On: Providence Craigslist By: DuckQuack20

kind of wrecked, i dunno build an off road dream machine with it or something.

Fantastic! My “off-road dreams” have always involved: (1) excavating the carcass of a demolished Jeep dating from Revolutionary times, (2) shoveling out the ferns and dirt, and (3) irritating the neighbors by giving the rusted hulk a prominent spot in the front yard.

Nit Picker Some Assembly Required , , ,

Suspicious “Homemade” Marshmallows

August 12th, 2009

Funny-Classifieds-MintMarshmellows
Found On: Fayetteville Craigslist By: Jennifer T

If you like marshmallows from the store, this will take your appreciation to the next level. If you think they’re just for cool weather, hot chocolate, and melting on top of casseroles think again. You must be able to pick these up in the Food Lion parking lot on Fisher road. There is no catch, just pick them up and enjoy. Thanks for looking.

Spend even a little time on free classified sections and you’ll see post after post of people trying to give away construction refuse. Just did a quick look on my local free section, and found 38 listings for concrete pieces. Looks like there’s more available “fill” than there is need for it. Supply outstrips demand, and there’s a lot of unwanted, super-heavy garbage sitting around out there, cluttering the yard.

So what’s the answer? Increase demand! Convince people that they need fill to help build a little hill in the backyard. Suggest that throwing some concrete in the pond will provide a nice little habitat for the sunfish.

Or just flat-out lie and tell people you’re giving away marshmallows.

“Yeah, I know they’re heavy, it’s Mom’s recipe. Don’t open the box until you get home.”

Nit Picker delicious , , , , ,

So Many Hot Tubs

August 11th, 2009

Funny-Classifieds-SwampMonster
Found On: Honolulu Craigslist By: Anonymous

Aloha. Please take this Jacuzzi….if you want something to hold your fish….or use in a garden for water catchment. You will need a truck…and a few guys.

Hot tubs are awesome. There is no reason in the world to get rid of something as super-desirable as a hot tub. Dammit, I love hot tubs. I love that hot tub. I love this hot tub:

inad-hottub-1

I dig this hot tub:

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And even this hot tub:

inad-hottub-3

So why do so many people want to get rid of their hot tubs?

Well, I can think of a couple reasons.

A.  It is broken beyond repair. Owning a hot tub that is broken beyond repair is a lot like having a car on blocks in your back yard. I can see wanting to get rid of that. I suspect the thinking goes like this: “Hey, I have this enormous useless device in the backyard. It’s not as cool as the Edsel we turned into a doghouse, and it’s really impeding my croquet training. Let’s get rid of it.”

B.  The hot tub has been sitting in the back yard for 8-15 years, and after all that indulgence – the wine, the slap-and-tickle, the toe incident with the super-hot neighbor – the idea of going back into it ever again is nauseating. It’s a heated swamp, swimming with memories of your ethical shortcomings – not to mention the bacteria that have made themselves at home and evolved there. I understand: you just . . . can’t . . . even . . . look at it anymore.

So it’s either broken, depressing, septic, or all of the above. You call the hauling company – “$300? Just to take it away? Let me see if I can find some sucker on craigslist to take it.”

The curious part is whether anyone has ever made a serious call to collect one of these. “OK, it doesn’t work, it smells like a sewage treatment plant, and it will take a rented truck and four hired hands to move it? I’ll be right over.”

Nit Picker as-is , , , ,

Spooky Chair

August 10th, 2009

Funny-Classifieds-HospitalChair
Found On: Des Moines Craigslist By: Amber J

Hospital chair on wheels.

“Gramma, I’m sorry, but we couldn’t afford a better one. We were able to find this free, and hope it gets you around OK.”

“I don’t mean to be ungrateful, Jesse, but do you know what the neighborhood kids call me?”

“What do you mean, Gramma?”

“They have a name for me, Jesse. They call me the Belmont Witch. I’ve heard them. How do you think that makes me feel?”

“Oh, that’s terrible, Gramma. Why would they do that?”

“Well, think about some of the things you’ve given me. The couch on the porch? The storage shed you put out back? The hat you made from that weird yarn? What would you think?”

“Witch. Definitely.”

“See?”

“Gosh Gramma, I’m so sorry. I don’t know what we were thinking.”

“So can you try to find a different chair, please? One that doesn’t scream ‘witch’ so loudly? Oh, and that hat smells funny.”

Nit Picker Spooky , , ,

Like a Rock

August 8th, 2009

inad- funny classifieds - like a rockSpotted by: Nit Picker inTippecanoe

I have this big rock in the back yard that I want gone. It is I good rock, doesn’t get into much trouble as it just sits there where you put it. It doesn’t talk back when you yell at it. Could be a pet rock if thats what you want. Anyway it is about 16″ tall 24″ wide and about 30″ long and It looks heavy so bring help.

The Great Dane of pet rocks, but at least it’s quiet. How many people do you think it would take to remove this? How many day laborers would I have to hire? Sounds expensive. I hope it knows some tricks.

Besides “stay.”

Nit Picker as-is , , ,

Will Not Burn

August 7th, 2009

Funny-Classifieds-CementBlocks
Found On: Indianapolis Craigslist By: Lindsey M

Not sure if anybody has any use for it but a pile of broken blocks and cement. All peices can be lifted my hand….also have a big pile of anything that wouldn’t burn beside it i’m looking to get rid of somehow. Thanks

We’ve said it before. As bad as free postings get, there’s always something worse. We bring you: stuff that even purifying, all-consuming fire would not take. This guy’s first thought was “burn it.” That’s how awesome this stuff is, whatever it is.

But Agni, Hindu god of fire, said no to the offering. Belched it right back at him, in fact.

“Well, if fire won’t take it, maybe someone on craigslist will.” I don’t know about you, but I’m a little insulted.

Nit Picker as-is , , ,

Loved Hard

August 6th, 2009

Funny-Classifieds-LovedHard
Found On: Tallahasse Craigslist By: Tim S

old couch, been loved very hard. cushions have been ripped up and one of the legs is broken. Nothing that a couch cover cant solve. will sell it for $5 or free if your totally opposed to buying it.

I’m not sure how a couch cover fixes a broken leg, but I like the end – “I want $5, but I’ll take zero.” Not the strongest bargaining position ever taken. I think I see where this is going to wind up:

inad-20bucks

Found On: Spokane Craigslist By: Nicole B.

Hey my name is alan. And i have a old couch. I havent been able to get rid off it for free so now i will pay 20 dollars to someone to take it from me.

Nit Picker as-is , , ,

m4w: A Different Kind of Freebie

August 5th, 2009

inad-m4w-insanity

dere robert. am white woman need sprem plz. don’t want to be pargnet, tho, need for burning man project. makesgoodbubbles. can u leave on curb tmw aft? will pick up.

kthxbai, ashley

ps – im 39, look 31 tho.

Favorite Comment: omg. do u make house callz? i can no afford stud fees 4 my alpacaz. by: S.

Nit Picker classy , , , ,

Zip-Off Pants

August 4th, 2009

Funny-Classifieds-Zip-OffPants
Found On: Craigslist By: Anonymous

mens zip off pants -navy- just the lower leg part. see photo. Or perhaps they are called outdoor pants or convertible pants. They are in good shape, they just have dust on them. I don’t know what size these go to, but most likely 32 long.

It was 102 in Seattle today, and I’m betting that will never change. I’m all shorts, all the time, baby! Besides, I want everyone to be able to see my new tattoo. Pant legs are for people without something beautiful to share.

Nit Picker classy , , , ,