Yes, we’ve talked about food-that-looks-like-stuff before. Hell, we even coined a term for the phenomenon – representachip. But these two demonstrate what a difficult market this is to assess. Is a Cheeto penis worth $0.99? Or $50? I’m stumped. If and when I find one (and that time will come, I’m an unrepentant Cheeto eater) I’ll probably try to get $96,000 for it. Let’s see what the market will bear.

Found these loitering in my cupboard and want to get rid of them as I’m moving

- ground rice hot cereal mix (a bit like grits, but rice-based) – from the bulk section at Whole Foods
- imitation bacon bits – from Berkeley Bowl
- fake sugar sweetener
- tin of Libby’s crushed pineapple

from my fridge
- most of a jar of Smuckers marmalade
- about half a pack of Philadelphia cream cheese

Email if interested and I will put them out. Location is near Piedmont Ave and MacArthur (will give address if you email)

When I think of a partially-used container of cream cheese, I don’t think: “Hey! I love cream cheese! Lemme at it!” I think: “Why have you decided to rid yourself of the remaining cream cheese?”

I can imagine only a few answers, and they involve things like mold, condensation, and dried out, crumbly, edges. None of those are appetizing. They’re not even bearable. Please just throw away your half-eaten cream cheese and stop treating the rest of us like animals. You’ve advertised this on the internet. Everyone reading your post has access to a computer. People with access to a computer can do better for themselves. Even the guys at the library.

Stuffed turkey with authenic freezed dried head (not wooden) housed in glass case.
CAN NOT BE SHIPPED

Every year, you worry about coming up with a nice centerpiece. Not anymore! Authentic freeze-dried head! Happy Thanksgiving.

just as the pics are…in date..5 calories it says…sugar substitute…thats all i know…..just got them,,,friend said she tried them,,,but just dont like them,,, let me know when ur coming.. happy halloween…

It’s strange how the mind works. When I saw this ad, the first thing I thought was that the weird punctuation looked familiar. And sure enough, they’re both from Reading, Pennsylvania, so I’m guessing it’s the same guy.

And I’m hoping it’s that part-Jon Lovitz/part-Bobcat Goldthwait guy in the picture. It’s almost like an advertisement for his free stuff services – “I’m always on the job: finding you the free.”

This anomalie in the peanut society has perplexed scientists, theorists, and the like for centuries.

After seeing a few too many of these things*, it’s become apparent that there is no actual market for them, so people just have fun posting and trying to get One Million Dollars, Dr. Evil-style.

Fine. I’ve got a $52,000 wad of hair in my drain, I call it “Jesus’s Beard.” And that’s nothing, check out the $28,000 mold formation in my closet. It looks like Seth Green. If he were a galaxy of mold. Takers?

*The voting page is full of “rare” Cheetos, potato chips, etc.

Looking for someone to make some grilled cheese sandwiches! Can’t pay anything but a warm house and friendly conversation. We have the bread, butter, and cheese. We are just too lazy to make it. Serious inquires only!

Sure, this seemed strange to me as soon as I saw it. You have the ingredients, but lack the know-how? And want a stranger to cook for you? Huh. But it was days before I noticed that this is a personals ad. Now, we don’t usually cover personals ads, but we don’t get that many submissions, so we have to be flexible. And this is just weird enough to make us bend.

Full disclosure – we’re not part of the w4w community, so maybe we’re a bit square and out of the loop. But is “looking for someone to make some grilled cheese sandwiches!” some sort of expression? Is this lingo we’ve just never seen? Do “warm house” and “friendly conversation” have secret in-crowd meanings?

“We have the bread, butter, and cheese.” Well of course you do. Say no more.

“We are just too lazy to make it.” I heard that!

I think this is starting to make sense.

I wonder what other customs this family has. Let’s try to think of some. I’ll get us started.

When a girl is born, they dry the umbilical cord in a straight line, season it with cloves and vanilla, cut it into three-inch sections, then pass them around and enjoy a smoke, using old-timey cigarette holders.

When a pet dies, they craft mittens from its lovingly tanned hide.

When a first-born child graduates from middle school . .

Found by: Amy on Ebay

“GONE BUT NOT FORGOTTEN”

Looking over at eBay, I see someone selling a potato chip with the face of Jesus for $1,000, and someone else selling a heart-shaped chip for $4.99 (not $5, mind you, this is a bargain!).

So selling representachips is apparently a thing. And why not? You buy a bag of chips, enjoy the oil and salt, and maybe, just maybe, you find the holy grail – a Miley Cyrus chip. Much tastier than the lottery.

Shipping a $10,000 Elvis chip has to be tricky, though. Do you think UPS will let you insure it for that?

if it wasnt for my daughter it would be in mint condition, she took the plastic off years ago and had a few pieces, i imagine it didnt taste so yummy

Stop.

Hammer Time.

U prolly shouldn’t touch this. Definitely don’t chew it. But feel free to pay $50 for it.

Found by: Helen on New York Craigslist

87 – 100 bottles of soy sauce
various brands
may or may not be expired
ready to take away

“I’m not sure how many of these I have, but I’m confident it’s between 87 and 100. 88? 99? Who knows? But definitely not 86 or 101, have no fear. How did I happen to assemble this crew of soy sauce bottles? Well, I’m kind of a connoisseur. I bought the first, and it was too salty. The second was too thick. The third was a bit syrupy. And the fourth had a nuttiness to it that I find unbecoming in a soy sauce. You know how it goes. Eventually, however, I found the sauce de resistance. It was either the 87th, or the 100th. And that’s the brand I use now. Wait. Was it the 87th, or the 100th? Which of these was . . . ? Was it . . .? Oh holy hell! Again? I have to do this again?”