Item not as described.

Found by: Alana on Tampa Craigslist

My son’s Elmo Live doll stopped talking.

Cold-shoulder Elmo.

We took him apart but were unable to fix him.

Flatline Elmo? No, Humpty Dumpty Elmo sounds better.

With batteries, the pieces still move.

Sounds a little like Zombie Elmo now.

This Elmo is no longer usable as a toy.

Doorstop Elmo.

His fur has been partially removed, he doesn’t talk, etc.

Bury-Me Elmo.

Great for someone who needs spare parts

Franken-Elmo.

or likes playing with robotics/electronics.

To create the Elmo-nator.

Stephen Some Assembly Required broken, toys

Found On: Baltimore Craigslist By: Francis B

Real Flavor gas grill briquets
Training wheels
Fish cleaning board
Hanging cast iron owl
Fuel filter: F33144 (bought for an ‘89 Chevy Blazer S-10)

His Mind is the Ultimate Weapon:

Trapped in an old missile silo by his nemesis Murdoc, MacGyver uses these items to fashion a jet pack, and flies to freedom. Asked later by Pete Thornton about how the cast-iron owl was important to the device, he smiles and says “you can’t fly without wings . . . can you?”

[run credits]

Stephen Some Assembly Required junk, random, suggested uses

Found by: Brian T on Bellingham Craigslist

MINI BIKE 4 SALE TOTE GOAT I WAS GOING TO GET IT GOING, .LOST INTEREST. SO HERE YOU GO ITS YOURS FOR 75.00 OBO / TRADE? CALL RON

“Jesse, this is all the mini-bike you get until you learn to do your chores. You start doing the dishes, you get a motor. You mow the lawn, you get a chain. Eventually – maybe not this year, maybe not next year – we’ll see about a gas tank and brakes. You keep an eye on what needs doing around the house – extra parts for extra initiative. That’s right, come up with your own chores, I can’t do everything around here.”

Tim-Tom Some Assembly Required missing pieces

Found On: San Diego Craigslist By: Kay G

I haye the remanies of a jeep CJ5 body and chassis and windshield, no drivetrain parts at all. what is left is straight and use able ,no title , must must take all.

I look at this and see only a cattle skeleton, bleached by the sun after decades in the desert. It’s astonishing what those coyotes can do to a carcass.

Stephen Some Assembly Required jeep, rusty, useless

Found by: ShutterTyme on Augusta Craigslist

I have a fiberglass boat top thing..I don’t know the correct name but posted a pic.. And yes it is FREE

Boat top? Think bigger. Do a little imagineering. I see a nice makeshift tollbooth to put out in the middle of my street. There’s money to be made out there, it may as well be me making it.

Stephen Some Assembly Required boat, suggested uses, unwieldy

Found by: Marlene on Janesville Craigslist

donkey holder is from mexico holds shot glasses and salt shaker,did have more glasses and holder for liquor but is missing if u want them call me

Looking at this picture, its pretty obvious that this donkey sneaks more than a bit for himself.

“Whaddy mean I’m too drunta drive? Iss my job, drivin’ this cart. I haveta get the shot glasses to the guys drinking the ta-kill-ya. Yah, yah, I know, ceramic donkeys are spose’ta have a low tolerance, but I been doin’ this fer years, lotsa tequila, lotsa salt an lime and yeah, anyway, I gotta go get the glass to the guy before he drinks right outta the bottle, aw shit, did I just break another glass? *hic* Which way did they . . . what?”

Stephen Some Assembly Required, voting-page antropomorphized, missing pieces

Found by: Brian on Pittsburgh Craigslist

I HAVE 7 JAIL CELLS FOR SALE EVERY THING WORKS KEYS TOILETS BEDS THE DOORS THERE CORR. PANELS SCREWED TO THE TOP , WHEN THEY ARE OFF THE TOP IS ALL BARS ( NEAT) COME UP WITH AN IDEA FOR USE , A-1 SHAPE ,WHAT THE HELL CAN YOU DO WITH THIS? THINK!

This jail is apparently moving to a “free range” format.

But maybe you, with your antiquated ideas about corrections, still think bars are okay. Well, take them then, but god have mercy on your inmates, Warden Bambridge.

Stephen Some Assembly Required disturbing, incarceration, unwieldy

Found by: Jodi on Portland Craiglist

One old ATM machine, no computer or monitor included. Could work well as a safe(includes the key), or an interesting sculpture, or as scrap. It’s heavy (over 200lbs) I do not have a title for it.

Easy comment – “ATM machine” is redundant, dumbass!

Better comment – Free hole in your living room floor -”Just a liiiitle bit further to the . . .” [crash/wailing/water-spraying-from-broken-pipes] “Honey, I told you that ‘interesting sculpture’ thing was a lie.”

Correct comment – Newest post for itemlikelytoincriminate.

Stephen Some Assembly Required itemlikelytoincriminate, probably illegal, unwieldy

Found by: Christopher R on Lexington Craigslist

Have 2 original cabbage patch doll heads from the 1970’s. As you can see both are still in the box. Would be great to make one for your little girl or boy and dress them the way you wish.$20.00 obo.
No scammers not unemployed or broke .

Here on the Island of Dr. INAD, we would use these to create minotaur-type inter-species dolls. We would affix the heads to the proportional bodies of teddy bears, Elmos, or stuffed unicorns from the county fair. Magical beings, with puckered-up faces. If we could find just the right one, it would be great to use a cephalopod. I’ve wanted a Cabbage Patch Squid since the Eighties, I just never knew my dream could come true.

Stephen Some Assembly Required Doll

Found by: Eva on Asheville Craigslist

I bought this thing about two years ago. I used it for two seasons and it cut great until it ran out of gas and after I filled the tank up it wouldn’t turn over anymore.

Well, now that I know that fuel will break this, it sounds perfect. Just the mower for me. If the wind blows, does it catch fire? Does sunshine make it cry?

I pulled it up to my shed and it has been sitting there ever since.

Pouting, no doubt, this sounds like one wimpy mower.

This thing is not locked up as I can turn the cylinder over with a wrench on the bottom of the pulley thingy. I don’t have time to work on this and try to get it running again.

Nor the desire, I suspect. You want a real mower, one that drinks gas like bourbon and a beer chaser, then says “let’s get back to work. Those blades won’t cut themselves – my blades will!”

The back wheels will not turn unless the engine is running.

So temperamental: “No, I won’t. No! No! No! Waahhh!”

It was like that when I bought it.

Well, then you have no one to blame but yourself, you knew what you were getting yourself into.

But when the engine was running this thing would go anywhere I needed it to.

Which wasn’t very far if you didn’t refuel it in two years. Maybe it’s your fault it’s such a delicate flower.

So now that it no longer runs its a bitch to move around.

And listen to.

So I am selling it to the best offer. Make me an offer and maybe you can take it home and fix it.

I offer you the opportunity to pay me $50 plus delivery.

This is pickup only,

Says you. You have my offer.

I will help you load it but after that I don’t even want to know this thing exists.

Salesmanship! Kudos.

If you have deep pockets I may be interested in delivering it to you but I don’t want to.

Maybe you taught this mower to whine.

Stephen Some Assembly Required broken, mower, rusty, whiny