Item not as described.

Found On: Bay Area

“The rocking chair and settee are very very old.”

Very, very old. Like, Civil War old. In fact, I’m pretty sure this furniture fought in the Civil War. I don’t know where that hole could have come from other than the Battle of Gettysburg.

Jessica as-is Add new tag, broken, furniture, useless, wrecked

Found On: Bay Area

This is one of those free postings that make me appreciate the place of the philosopher in modern society. I’m pretty sure a dissertation – a master’s thesis at the very least – could be written on whether and under what conditions this item can be called a chair.

Maybe something like (with hat tip to Zizek) “this Deleuzian chair is, of course, not simply outside non-chairness; rather, in the ’stratigraphic’ superimposition, in this moment of chairfulness, it is CHAIR ITSELF which we experience, but in contrast, chair as opposed to the evolutionary flow of things WITHIN the chair domain.”

I’m not sure what that means, but I think it’s something like “there’s no effing way this counts as a chair.”

Stephen as-is Add new tag, broken, busted, depressing, furniture, useless

Found On: Boise Craigslist By:Armory V

Some wear, broken axle. If you can fix it, it should serve you well. And the price is right. First come first serve.

What you need to be worried about here is the other, hidden damage this thing suffered when it was raced so hard that the axle broke. Push a stroller to 80 mph, and you’re bound to end up with some fatigue to the materials.

Stephen Some Assembly Required Add new tag, broken, not street legal, unsafe

Spotted by: Nit Picker inTippecanoe

I have this big rock in the back yard that I want gone. It is I good rock, doesn’t get into much trouble as it just sits there where you put it. It doesn’t talk back when you yell at it. Could be a pet rock if thats what you want. Anyway it is about 16″ tall 24″ wide and about 30″ long and It looks heavy so bring help.

The Great Dane of pet rocks, but at least it’s quiet. How many people do you think it would take to remove this? How many day laborers would I have to hire? Sounds expensive. I hope it knows some tricks.

Besides “stay.”

Nit Picker as-is Add new tag, manual labor, nature, suggested uses

Found On: Anchorage Craigslist

DONT CALL IF YOU CANT READ, AND THINK I’M STUPID ENOUGH TO GIVE AWAY A NICE RUNNING 4X4 PICKUP! I’M TIRED OF EXPAINING THIS TO RETARDS. READ THE BELOW CAREFULLY BEFORE CALLING. i have this pickup and it was a great truck. runs right now and drives fine. i am parting it out for extra parts for my other 3/4 ton. im taking the axels, motor and trany. most of the interior is gone. the frame is staight and true. im leaving the 203 t-case and both driveshafts. the body is straight except for quite a bit of rust. front clip is good. if u need a nice straight 4×4 frame for ur project this is the one. i will drive it from my back yard to my driveway, then take my parts so its easy for a flatbed to get to it. must take the whole truck! if ur looking for parts forget about it unless ur gonna pay me.

Nit Picker voting-page Add new tag, broken, old, rusty, ugly

Found On: Phoenix Craigslist

Like the elusive red couch, this Elmo Walker was captured on camera at dusk, just before it disappeared into the hedgerow. It is unknown if it was alone or part of a larger pack.  Until it is captured, be sure to exercise caution letting your pets out of doors.

Stephen Spooky Add new tag, baby, disturbing, dubious, entity, supernatural