Item not as described.

Found On: Bay Area

“The cushions need to be sewn in a few spots (on the seams) and it isn’t in new or excellent condition (hence it is free) but it sure beats the hard floor!”

Fine, fair enough. Two pieces of furniture not worth the effort of selling, but not ready for the trash. Exactly what the Free Stuff section is good for.

But what is up with that living room? I hope to god that this person is getting some livelier furniture. Because right now all they need is a fishbowl full of free condoms and they’d have the waiting room at Planned Parenthood.

Stephen as-is as-is, boring, disturbing, dull

Found On: Richmond Craigslist By: Mountain Mama

TELL TIME TO PICK UP,I INCLUDE PIC.they are strong and no holes you can paint them,is a pair.i got them from a doctors office 2 years ago.they have dust,on tjhem but the material is ok,.

I think I may have once had an appointment with this doctor. I was 17, and needed a case of Natural Ice and a bottle of peppermint schnapps. He delivered at his basement apartment and charged me $50. I said “fifty dollars? That’s like twenty bucks worth.” He told me, “medicine’s expensive. Call it a co-pay.” I wasn’t in a position to argue, which kind of prepared me for the world of healthcare.

Stephen as-is as-is, bad grammar, dirty, furniture, healthcare, old

Found: Joe Milwaukee Craigslist

Electric organ for sale.I do not play, so I do not know if it needs a tune up.Price reduced from $100.00.to sell this weekend.

The tale of the Phantom of the Two-Bedroom Ranch was a true story, after all.

Stephen Spooky . . . of the damned, as-is, organ

Found On: Bay Area

“Free pompous grass. I’m digging it all up out of my yard this week.”

But be warned: you’ll want to dig it all up out of your yard as well, probably around the tenth time it starts yammering about that semester it spent as part of the landscape at Oxford.

Jessica Uncategorized as-is, entity, garden, nature, unwieldy

Found On: Seattle Craigslist

Free TV and Stand. Both are sitting in the front of the house waiting for a new home. TV works, but just upgraded recently. Sorry for bad photo, took quick snapshot from the living room.

“That’s right TV and stand! You keep on walking! Don’t you come back – don’t you even turn around.”

I never knew how lonely a TV could look.

Stephen as-is anthropomorphized, appliance, as-is, furniture, on the curb

Found On: Baltimore Craigslist

By: Brad & Christine

Ive never sat on them. They were left by my former roommate. Im moving and will not be taking these with me. Maybe they could be of use to you. You haul away

Some days, I think the free classifieds are just an enormous experiment in measuring our collective mental health. When people respond to posts like this, a notification is sent to Forest Laboratories, and the Celexa factory runs an overtime shift. “Yep, they’re still just barely hanging on out there.”

Of course, if you inquire about this next one, the nearby pharmacies know they need to make sure they’re stocked up on Thorazine. Because you’re more than a little crazy, aren’t you?

Found On: Las Vegas Craigslist

our dog chewed up the top of this couch, other than that it’s still a pretty good couch. it also has a fold out bed that’s still in good condition. if you want it, just come and grab it anytime, there’s no cost. it could also make for a good bonfire or chew toy for your dogs.

Stephen as-is as-is, broken, busted, couch, furniture, old, symptoms, ugly

Found On: Belmont Craigslist By: Elaine J

I don’t need these any more, but it seems a shame to just throw them away. One of the bookends needs minor gluing repair and a spot of black paint touch up.

The bookend on the right was trying to imagine what it could do with this, and its head exploded. An object lesson in not “overthinking” things, folks.

Nit Picker Some Assembly Required as-is, books, broken, ugly

Found On: Cincinnati Craigslist By: Jojo

1969 16 foot fiberglass boat with fins on back. no interior, no trailer, no outboard, no title, just a boat hull. could chop it down and make a skiff. or apply for title and they will send you a new vin and title, it dont cost anything, just takes awhile to get it in the mail. bring a trailer or dont show up. Hasnt been on the ground long, dont have to take the sticks, just thru them in a couple weeks ago. need to clean up yard.

That is some salesmanship there. Let’s say I have this boat I really need to unload. It’s in bad shape, and it’s taken over my yard. The kids can’t play, I can’t invite my buddies over for barbecues, and I think there may be some rabid rodents making themselves at home in the boat’s darkest recesses. It would be great if I could get rid of this thing. So great, in fact, that I don’t even want to try to sell it. That will take too long. I’ll just give it away. I repeat, I need to get rid of this boat.

So what can I do to accomplish this? I have an idea. Before I photograph the boat, I will fill it with yard waste. An enormous bunch of sticks, obscuring the boat and reminding people of the Blair Witch Project. That will help move this thing. I may also set it on fire. No, wait, here’s what I’ll do. I will put a life-sized cardboard cut-out of Hitler in front of the boat. Oh, man! No, now I have it – I will decapitate two stray dogs. I will sew their heads onto a third dog. I will photograph this Cerberus-like monstrosity in front of the boat, with the Hitler cut-out holding the leash!* Bang! I’m pretty sure I have this sales thing down. Now, what should I do to spice up the Hyundai I’m selling . . .

*Did this one go a l’il bit too far? No? I didn’t think so, either.

Nit Picker as-is as-is, boat, broken, dirty, manual labor, useless

Found On: Austin Craigslist By: James L

We were just going to throw this out, but we thought … well somebody might want it. It worked well for us when we needed it. It’s dirty looking, but very portable for a booster seat. First person to come get it can have it. We’ll leave it out in the drive way

Look, I hate children as much as the next guy, but . . . wow. If anything counts as child abuse, placing a child in this seat is it. If you take this, be sure not to let anyone see you with it. Child Protective Services will take your child, immediately. No “due process,” no gradual, multi-step penalty system. Kids. Gone. Now. Approved for kid-dungeon use only. And not the fun kind of kid-dungeon.

Nit Picker as-is as-is, broken, dirty, old, unsafe, unsanitary

Found On: San Antonio Craigslist

By: James L

Free, off white/grey toilets. a little dirty but not damaged. must pick up. e-mail for location or questions.

You know what the world needs more of, besides love? Anthropomorphized toilets. Preferably in dramatic situations. We live to serve.

“Don’t give up. DON’T YOU GIVE UP! We’re gonna make it. No doubt in my mind. Just. Hold. On. Sure, they left us here to die. They thought they’d never see us again. But we’ll show them. Oh yes, we will. We will EXPLODE upon them. They will know our vengeance. They will FEEL our vengeance. They can leave us behind. Beaten. Disabled. But that will work to our advantage. They will never expect the horror we will make them see, once we get out of here. I’ll tell you what, it would really help to be ambulatory right now.”

Nit Picker Spooky antropomorphized, as-is, dubious, entity, old, plumbing