Item not as described.

I’ve decided I’ve had it with blogging. I can do better. I don’t need readers, I need followers. I’m fairly imaginative, somewhat charismatic, and have a nice, deep voice. I deserve followers. So here’s the plan. I’m going to buy some inexpensive property in San Bernardino County, and I’m going to put what I’ve learned from this blog to work. Then I’m going to get all of these post-natural-disaster mobile homes, and move them to San Berdoo.

You can join me there, if you’re willing to hand over all your savings (min. $10k) and promise your undying fealty. I’m working on the details of your new religion right now. It involves elements of Buddhism and the Toastmasters. I’m not promising anything, but I expect that the Brady Bunch “Hawaiian Vacation” episodes will be among our sacred texts. Tell your family you’re going out for cigarettes.

Here are the components of our compound:

Found by: Bradley on Fresno Craigslist

FREE TRAILER YOU MUST MOVE AND PAY ALL COST BUT ITS FREE CONTACT JASON AT #

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Found by: Kerrick on San Francisco Craigslist

FIRST OF ALL——————-WHOEVER IS FLAGGING THIS—–I CONTACTED CL AND THEY SAID ITS IN THE ONLY PLACE IT CAN GO AS A MOVABLE RV——–10X40 MOBILEHOME—ALL INSIDE GOES W/IT—ON 2 AXLES—-AND GOOD TIRES—————THE SPOT WHERE THERE IS MISSING PANELL,IS WHERE THE PORCH WAS:::::::::::

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Found On: Cincinnati Craigslist By: Jojo

This mobile home was damaged in the winds last year and we want it gone. It must be hauled away as one unit. We will not allow removal of plumbing, siding, etc.

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Found On: Anchorage Craigslist

free, no wheels or axels, open on one side

Welcome home.

Stephen Uncategorized busted, missing pieces, mobile home, new jobs

Found by: Amy on Chico Craigslist

So i have had this dresser that was given to me for a while now. But now I am moving into the CCC. So I really don’t need it anymore. Its kinda a crummy dresser. But it does the job.basically…You can stand on it without it breaking, so thats a plus. So i will give you this for a hamburger. I would give it to you for free, But i really want a hamburger, but dont have any money for one =’(
even a 99c burger would do. I havn’t had a burger in a while -.-
ok so here the pics

Well isn’t this an adorable little slice of nostalgia? This here feller needs to lose his crummy dresser on account’a the fact he’s joinin’ the CCCs (which, as far as I know, was disbanded on the eve of World War II). The dresser may not be as good as a swell dame or a night at the fights, but hey, you can stand on it, and that’s worth a burger. I didn’t know they had Craigslist in the thirties.

Jessica as-is busted, dresser

Found On: Bay Area

This is one of those free postings that make me appreciate the place of the philosopher in modern society. I’m pretty sure a dissertation – a master’s thesis at the very least – could be written on whether and under what conditions this item can be called a chair.

Maybe something like (with hat tip to Zizek) “this Deleuzian chair is, of course, not simply outside non-chairness; rather, in the ’stratigraphic’ superimposition, in this moment of chairfulness, it is CHAIR ITSELF which we experience, but in contrast, chair as opposed to the evolutionary flow of things WITHIN the chair domain.”

I’m not sure what that means, but I think it’s something like “there’s no effing way this counts as a chair.”

Stephen as-is Add new tag, broken, busted, depressing, furniture, useless

Found On: Baltimore Craigslist

By: Brad & Christine

Ive never sat on them. They were left by my former roommate. Im moving and will not be taking these with me. Maybe they could be of use to you. You haul away

Some days, I think the free classifieds are just an enormous experiment in measuring our collective mental health. When people respond to posts like this, a notification is sent to Forest Laboratories, and the Celexa factory runs an overtime shift. “Yep, they’re still just barely hanging on out there.”

Of course, if you inquire about this next one, the nearby pharmacies know they need to make sure they’re stocked up on Thorazine. Because you’re more than a little crazy, aren’t you?

Found On: Las Vegas Craigslist

our dog chewed up the top of this couch, other than that it’s still a pretty good couch. it also has a fold out bed that’s still in good condition. if you want it, just come and grab it anytime, there’s no cost. it could also make for a good bonfire or chew toy for your dogs.

Stephen as-is as-is, broken, busted, couch, furniture, old, symptoms, ugly

Found by: Pop on Philadelphia Craigslist

Barbie Dolls (some dismembered and hairless) from the late 1980s – early 1990s.

Oh dear lord. These are laid out like massacre victims, just before the bulldozer pushes them into a mass grave. Add the indignity of having their little Barbie clothes removed to the already-charming description (nothing says “fun” like “dismembered and hairless”), and we basically have a set of Srebrenica Barbies. Malibu will never feel the same.

Stephen Spooky busted, disturbing

Found On: Seattle Craigslist

free-standing basketball hoop with slightly broken backboard. Somebody must want it–sell at garage sale, donate, whatever. I have no way to move it.

That is some talented photography. Avant garde, really. Doesn’t let the viewer discern too easily what the object is, makes her work for it. The payoff is much greater that way. “That’s a what, now? I’m not seeing how . . . oooh, maybe if – no, that’s not it. Could it be . . . oh, ok, lying on its back. Interesting take.”

Look, nature has apparently decided to reclaim this so-called hoop, so don’t stand in the way.

Stephen as-is busted

Found by: Catherine on Seattle Craigslist

This trailer looks worse than it really is.

Or exactly as bad. What would you be willing to trust to the care of this trailer? OK, fine, the other things you find on free classifieds.

The tires still spin smoothly

Tires spinning smoothly sounds like something. It is nothing.

and the metal body is not corroded through.

Thank heavens for small favors. Not through, just almost through.

It is free to a good home. EDIT: Got a huge response,

From that species of crazy person who responds to every effing free ad thinking “OMG, it’s free!” Then wakes up the next day and realizes, “oh, geez, where the hell am I gonna keep it? Why do I keep responding to these things?”

so this may drop a few who are interested. The trailer is not towable because both tires are flat, no electrical, unsure if the hitch even works and there is NO TITLE. Trailer was on the property when we purchased the land. If you are still interested, please reply again and leave a phone number. Jerry.

So really, this is just a piece of unwanted rust that you’re desperate to get off your property.

But I’m thinking about it.

I have both fenders.

Sold.

Stephen as-is busted, rusty

Found by: chanceofrainne on Nashville Craigslist

KINDA ROUGH BUT HATE TO JUST THROW IT AWAY, NO BATTERY OR CHARGER AND HAS A STEERING ISSUE(SOMETHING BROKE). BOTH DOORS OPEN. IF YOU WANT IT YOU CAN HAVE IT………..

This looks capable of providing approximately 8% of the delight it did when it was in working condition, but hey, not every nephew can be your favorite nephew, right?

“Here you go, Timmy. Yes, it’s pink. Yes, you look like a sissy. Yes, it’s broken. And?”

When you give it to him, maybe you should just say “Here, Christmas.”

“Merry” would be a little disingenuous.

Stephen as-is busted, depressing, misfit toys

In all this talk of “the public option” versus “non-profit co-ops,” “death panels” and “windfall profits,” something has been forgotten. Who in Congress will champion free classifieds as the way to get us out of our healthcare crisis?

I have health problems that would shock a hypertense, anemic 92-year-old, but I’m not worried. All my health needs are met by things I find for free. Sure, I have to worry about things like contamination, dangerous product recalls, and the possibility that I may not have exactly the right medical device for the job, but what I lack in quality, I make up for in quantity. Healthcare policy? Stop bellyaching, and start foraging! This is a season for action! We bring you “The INAD Plan.”

I occasionally have neck problems:

Spotted by: akyle11 in Cincinnati

Whatever this is on this guys head.

It’s a little embarrassing, but yeah, I need these:

Found On: Bellingham Craigslist By: Rebecca R

18 Hollister brand ileostomy pouches. Hollister #18204, New Image Drainable Mini-Pouch with Clamp, beige, 2 3/4″ (70 mm).

And these:

Found by: Carla on Austin Craigslist

Those who use urological supplies such as urinary catheters, foleys and legbags! Tired of paying out of pocket? Call me! There is a way to get your supplies for free. Located in Round Rock

Some days, after a few more cigarettes than I’m used to, when the emphysema acts up, I’ll break this out:

Found On: Atlanta Craigslist By:Elizabeth K

Free Devilbiss Oxygen Concentrator, does not work, perhaps can be used for spare parts.

I’ve been having a little trouble getting up the stairs lately, so I’m hoping I can get this working:

Found On: Salt Lake City Craigslist By: Anonymous

My father recently passed away and we want to get this elevator out of the house. Free to anyone who can remove it safely and without damage to the home. We also have elevator parts that I will post in another ad.

And if all else fails, well:

Found by: Andrea on Mansfield Craigslist

Up for sale is a used coffin. It is in very good condition with no dents. There is some surface rust and it will need new hinges. There is no interior as well. Cash only, no trades. Will not hold for anyone. The first person to come with cash gets it. The uses for this are unlimited such as, put in the back of your pick up and drive it around, make a dining room table, phone booth, neat motorcycle trailer and the list goes on….

Wait, they want to get paid for the coffin? I’m going to have to find a way to live forever. Maybe someone has done some studies.

Stephen Some Assembly Required busted, depressing, disturbing, do not want, healthcare, medical supplies, old

Found On: Maine Craigslist

By: Jesse S

READ ENTIRE POST PLEASE..I’m reposting this boat because I want to be very specific. This boat is a complete piece of crap!! it’s fiberlass and has been in the yard for twenty years. The trailor is a complete piece of crap as well!!!! it has no wheels and is very rusty. You will not be able to tow this home. If you are interested in fixing the trailor in my yard please don’t respond to this post.  Please only respond if your positive you want to do this. I’m not interested in responding to 30 people for somthing I’m giving away. Sorry if I sound grumpy but I’ve had a bunch of people jerk me around on this. Thanks

Wow, this person could market this post as a universal fill-in-the-blank free classified template. Or maybe a “Madlib.” Really, what wouldn’t fit?

“READ ENTIRE POST PLEASE..I’m reposting this [noun] because I want to be very specific. This [noun] is a complete piece of crap!! it’s [adjective] and has been in the yard for twenty years. The [noun] is a complete piece of crap as well!!!! it has no [noun] and is very [adjective]. You will not be able to tow this home. If you are interested in fixing the [noun] in my yard please don’t respond to this post. Please only respond if your positive you want to do this. I’m not interested in responding to 30 people for somthing I’m giving away. Sorry if I sound grumpy but I’ve had a bunch of people jerk me around on this. Thanks”

Nit Picker as-is broken, busted, can't spell, honest, rusted, useless