Item not as described.

Found On: Bay Area

“The cushions need to be sewn in a few spots (on the seams) and it isn’t in new or excellent condition (hence it is free) but it sure beats the hard floor!”

Fine, fair enough. Two pieces of furniture not worth the effort of selling, but not ready for the trash. Exactly what the Free Stuff section is good for.

But what is up with that living room? I hope to god that this person is getting some livelier furniture. Because right now all they need is a fishbowl full of free condoms and they’d have the waiting room at Planned Parenthood.

Stephen as-is as-is, boring, disturbing, dull

Found On: Seattle Craigslist

I have an older Champion Motorhome, I think it’s around a ‘72. It needs some TLC, would make a great storage/camping unit at your river property or favorite hunting spot. You tow it, you can have it!

Hi, I’m your ride to the City of INAD. The seats are all waterlogged, so I think you’ll want to stand; hold on tight. And watch where you put your hands, there seems to be a feral cat problem. Fred got bit and he’s been acting a little strange since El Paso.

Stephen as-is creepy, dirty, disturbing, manual labor, old, ugly

Found On: Bay Area

I wouldn’t want this thing smiling incessantly at me while I spent my Sunday afternoon on a Deadwood marathon, either.

Stephen as-is creepy, disturbing

Found by: Pop on Philadelphia Craigslist

Barbie Dolls (some dismembered and hairless) from the late 1980s – early 1990s.

Oh dear lord. These are laid out like massacre victims, just before the bulldozer pushes them into a mass grave. Add the indignity of having their little Barbie clothes removed to the already-charming description (nothing says “fun” like “dismembered and hairless”), and we basically have a set of Srebrenica Barbies. Malibu will never feel the same.

Stephen Spooky busted, disturbing

Found by: Karalyn on Seattle Craigslist

If you want to read a lot about ocelots, click the jump link below. The poster has much to say. Me? I’m just transfixed by these pictures. I can’t stop staring at the extremely sleek coat. More laminated than stuffed. Of course, my eyes are also drawn to the rather pronounced *ahem* balls.

I’m glad the otherwise incompetent taxidermist at least appreciated the fact that this ocelot wanted to be remembered as a male ocelot.
Read more…

Stephen classy disturbing, taxidermy, ugly

I’m about to shout at you in the voice of John McLaughlin.* Now that you recognize my voice, “Which would you rather? Set up an au-pair-adise with Dad?”

Found by: Ben on Richmond Craigslist

“Or. . .”

_{*apologies to non-U.S. and non-news program watching folks. You can use the voice of James Earl Jones. Different effect entirely, but maybe it will work for you.}

Read more…

Stephen classy creepy, dirty, disturbing

Found by: Nikki on Orange County Craigslist

I have a massage chair in good condition

Awesome! Just what I need! Can’t wait to keep reading . . .

and I’d like to trade for a 90 minute sensual massage from a female.

Oh. Let’s negotiate. How about I come up with ten extra minutes, and you drop the “fe”?

I acquired the chair in a trade so think it would be nice to let it go for a trade.

What goes around comes around. “Comes!” See what I did there?

I’m buying a new chair and have no need for this one.

Tell me more about your needs. No, don’t. I know too much about them already.

It is a good chair, not a great chair and would be perfect for anyone starting out, learning or just wanting to have one around the house. It has no rips or tears. There is no case.

I retract my ten extra minutes offer.

You don’t have to be a pro for this trade.

But if I take you up on it, I’m at least semi-pro, aren’t I?

Stephen classy disturbing, gross, probably illegal

Found by: Brian on Pittsburgh Craigslist

I HAVE 7 JAIL CELLS FOR SALE EVERY THING WORKS KEYS TOILETS BEDS THE DOORS THERE CORR. PANELS SCREWED TO THE TOP , WHEN THEY ARE OFF THE TOP IS ALL BARS ( NEAT) COME UP WITH AN IDEA FOR USE , A-1 SHAPE ,WHAT THE HELL CAN YOU DO WITH THIS? THINK!

This jail is apparently moving to a “free range” format.

But maybe you, with your antiquated ideas about corrections, still think bars are okay. Well, take them then, but god have mercy on your inmates, Warden Bambridge.

Stephen Some Assembly Required disturbing, incarceration, unwieldy

Found by: Glycerine on Houston Craiglist

a fixer-upper, needs to go by Sept 16th/fits the back of pick-up truck.

Please have reasonable expectations when you set foot in this thing. I know, it looks like you might find yourself transported to Narnia.

But be forewarned: it’s more of a Garrido version of Narnia.

Stephen as-is, voting-page camper, depressing, disturbing, Narnia, overgrown

Found by: Drew S on Albuquerque Craigslist

Hey its a camper shell cage we housed birds in it … COME PICK IT UP ITS FREEE …. if interested give me a call

Leaving aside the question of who would want this lovely item, I ask you – These are the best pictures the poster had of this? Could he have done anything to make this more crime-scenish, more hair-raising, more there’s-a-monster-hiding-in-the-back?

Even if I wanted a camper shell cage, I wouldn’t go anywhere near this. Not even for my brood of zombie chickens.

Stephen as-is camper, disturbing, horror photography, ugly