Item not as described.

Found On: Bay Area

“Free pompous grass. I’m digging it all up out of my yard this week.”

But be warned: you’ll want to dig it all up out of your yard as well, probably around the tenth time it starts yammering about that semester it spent as part of the landscape at Oxford.

Jessica Uncategorized as-is, entity, garden, nature, unwieldy

Found On: San Antonio Craigslist

By: James L

Free, off white/grey toilets. a little dirty but not damaged. must pick up. e-mail for location or questions.

You know what the world needs more of, besides love? Anthropomorphized toilets. Preferably in dramatic situations. We live to serve.

“Don’t give up. DON’T YOU GIVE UP! We’re gonna make it. No doubt in my mind. Just. Hold. On. Sure, they left us here to die. They thought they’d never see us again. But we’ll show them. Oh yes, we will. We will EXPLODE upon them. They will know our vengeance. They will FEEL our vengeance. They can leave us behind. Beaten. Disabled. But that will work to our advantage. They will never expect the horror we will make them see, once we get out of here. I’ll tell you what, it would really help to be ambulatory right now.”

Nit Picker Spooky antropomorphized, as-is, dubious, entity, old, plumbing

Found On: Denver Craigslist

Says “Eric” on his hat, could be painted over I assume. Please come get this! Thanks.

Eric apparently pissed someone off. Someone with a very delicate sense of revenge. We know that revenge is a dish best served cold, but apparently it can also be delivered in tiny portions. “I know, I’ll give away the figurine with his name on it. THAT will show him.” Other possibilities s/he considered included painting the figurine’s shirt the same color as its legs, so it would appear naked. Or, even better, carefully changing the number “1” on the blue ribbon to a “2.”

Nit Picker classy creepy, dubious, entity, statue, watching you

Found On: Honolulu Craigslist

free small round table, ugly but ok w/ a table cloth. Table only.

The table-in-motion effect really ups the desirability of this thing. I sense that I could integrate this table seamlessly into my active lifestyle. It could be my running partner, or join me at the gym. “Feel the burn, little table, feel the burn.” And afterwards? Man, there’s no place I’d rather set my Michelob Ultra. From what the ads tell me, that’s an energy drink.

Nit Picker as-is blurry, entity, furniture, on the move, ugly

Found On: Phoenix Craigslist

Like the elusive red couch, this Elmo Walker was captured on camera at dusk, just before it disappeared into the hedgerow. It is unknown if it was alone or part of a larger pack.  Until it is captured, be sure to exercise caution letting your pets out of doors.

Stephen Spooky Add new tag, baby, disturbing, dubious, entity, supernatural

Found On: Bay Area Craigslist

The post describes this as a couch, but it could just as easily have said “Free Bigfoot” or “Free Loch Ness Monster.”

It’s hard to get a good shot of a frightened couch, as it flees into the night.

Junktown Jerky Vendor Spooky blurry, couch, entity, furniture, supernatural