Item not as described.

Found On: Bay Area

“The rocking chair and settee are very very old.”

Very, very old. Like, Civil War old. In fact, I’m pretty sure this furniture fought in the Civil War. I don’t know where that hole could have come from other than the Battle of Gettysburg.

Jessica as-is Add new tag, broken, furniture, useless, wrecked

Found On: Richmond Craigslist By: Mountain Mama

TELL TIME TO PICK UP,I INCLUDE PIC.they are strong and no holes you can paint them,is a pair.i got them from a doctors office 2 years ago.they have dust,on tjhem but the material is ok,.

I think I may have once had an appointment with this doctor. I was 17, and needed a case of Natural Ice and a bottle of peppermint schnapps. He delivered at his basement apartment and charged me $50. I said “fifty dollars? That’s like twenty bucks worth.” He told me, “medicine’s expensive. Call it a co-pay.” I wasn’t in a position to argue, which kind of prepared me for the world of healthcare.

Stephen as-is as-is, bad grammar, dirty, furniture, healthcare, old

Found On: Bay Area

This is one of those free postings that make me appreciate the place of the philosopher in modern society. I’m pretty sure a dissertation – a master’s thesis at the very least – could be written on whether and under what conditions this item can be called a chair.

Maybe something like (with hat tip to Zizek) “this Deleuzian chair is, of course, not simply outside non-chairness; rather, in the ’stratigraphic’ superimposition, in this moment of chairfulness, it is CHAIR ITSELF which we experience, but in contrast, chair as opposed to the evolutionary flow of things WITHIN the chair domain.”

I’m not sure what that means, but I think it’s something like “there’s no effing way this counts as a chair.”

Stephen as-is Add new tag, broken, busted, depressing, furniture, useless

Found On: Seattle Craigslist

Free TV and Stand. Both are sitting in the front of the house waiting for a new home. TV works, but just upgraded recently. Sorry for bad photo, took quick snapshot from the living room.

“That’s right TV and stand! You keep on walking! Don’t you come back – don’t you even turn around.”

I never knew how lonely a TV could look.

Stephen as-is anthropomorphized, appliance, as-is, furniture, on the curb

Found On: Baltimore Craigslist

By: Brad & Christine

Ive never sat on them. They were left by my former roommate. Im moving and will not be taking these with me. Maybe they could be of use to you. You haul away

Some days, I think the free classifieds are just an enormous experiment in measuring our collective mental health. When people respond to posts like this, a notification is sent to Forest Laboratories, and the Celexa factory runs an overtime shift. “Yep, they’re still just barely hanging on out there.”

Of course, if you inquire about this next one, the nearby pharmacies know they need to make sure they’re stocked up on Thorazine. Because you’re more than a little crazy, aren’t you?

Found On: Las Vegas Craigslist

our dog chewed up the top of this couch, other than that it’s still a pretty good couch. it also has a fold out bed that’s still in good condition. if you want it, just come and grab it anytime, there’s no cost. it could also make for a good bonfire or chew toy for your dogs.

Stephen as-is as-is, broken, busted, couch, furniture, old, symptoms, ugly

Found by: Stan on Fayetteville Craigslist

It’s free I have no use for it if you want it give me a call, Need to get it out my way.

You’ve seen the Saw series, beginning to end, you’ve seen Hostel, and the various Ringu-type movies from Japan. Brace yourself.

You think you’ve seen horror? You haven’t seen a thing. This summer, get ready to learn the truth about terror.

After the DTV transition, when you bought the new flatscreen you mounted to the wall, you thought that it was gone. You thought that when you put it out on the curb for Big Trash Day, you’d never see it again. But it’s dark, it’s raining, and it’s already killed the dog. You’re next. Don’t let it see you at the door. And whatever you do – don’t let the DVD player into the yard.

TV STAN from Fineline this August. Rated R – restricted. Adult language. Extreme furniture violence.

Stephen Spooky creepy, furniture, night photography

Found On: Tallahasse Craigslist By: Tim S

old couch, been loved very hard. cushions have been ripped up and one of the legs is broken. Nothing that a couch cover cant solve. will sell it for $5 or free if your totally opposed to buying it.

I’m not sure how a couch cover fixes a broken leg, but I like the end – “I want $5, but I’ll take zero.” Not the strongest bargaining position ever taken. I think I see where this is going to wind up:

Found On: Spokane Craigslist By: Nicole B.

Hey my name is alan. And i have a old couch. I havent been able to get rid off it for free so now i will pay 20 dollars to someone to take it from me.

Nit Picker as-is broken, couch, furniture, o rly

Found On: Indianapolis Craigslist By: Laura H

free corner couch that was part of like an 1800$ couch, house to small for it left on front pouch and dogs kinda got it all dirty, but still in fair shape. i do have this add up for the couch on another posting, just as the first one the matieral is stain resistant velour and comes off very easily just dont want to mess with it n plus dont have room

I saw this and thought – “Just think of the science fair project I could have! This wedge of ick must contain entire germ civilizations! I’ll bet a replacement for penicillin could be harvested from cultures somewhere on this chair – that crevice between the two cushions looks like the sweet spot. College scholarship, here I come!”

Sadly, I checked the rules for the 2009 Central Indiana Science & Engineering Fair. It’s a no go:

“The following list of prohibited items cannot be part of any display at the Regional Science Fair:

-Water or other liquids, even in a sealed container.
-Living or formerly living materials including:

Plants, animals, or microbes (bacteria, molds, yeasts, or algae).
Spoiled food or other decomposing organic matter.
Microbial cultures.
Soil or waste samples.
Preserved plant or animal material including: dried plant material and taxidermy specimens or parts.
Human or animal parts (exceptions: hair, teeth, nails, bones, histological sections, and wet-mount tissue slides)
Human or animal food

-Sharp items
-Flames or highly flammable materials
-Tanks with any substances under pressure
-Batteries with open-top cells
-Poisons, drugs, or controlled substances
-Dry ice or other sublimating solids
-Moving parts with unprotected belts and/or pulleys
-Class III and IV lasers
-Other items which in the judgment of the Safety Committee of the Regional Science Fair pose a threat to the health of safety of participants, judges, or spectators”

So I guess my competition dreams are off the table, but maybe I can come up with something involving a Class I or II laser. Or fingernails.

In other news:”stain resistant”?

Nit Picker as-is couch, dirty, furniture, missing pieces, unsanitary

Found On: Chambana Craigslist By: Jaime S

My grandmother has an old recliner and some old bed mattresses to give away in her garage.
All have been sitting there for several years and are dusty.

I look at these grim, darkness-illuminated-by-flash, crime-scene-ish photos, and I think of every horror film I’ve ever seen.

But I think, particularly, of the scene in David Fincher’s “Se7en” when the apparently dead person laying on the bed suddenly issues a thin, inhuman cough, and it becomes even more terrifying that the victim is alive. You’d be less scared by death than by a life so very completely ruined.

I’ll tell you what, I’m not sure that’s the frame of mind you want to inspire when you’re trying to unload your dirty old furniture. But I never did take a marketing class.

Nit Picker Spooky dirty, frightening, furniture, old

Found On: Memphis Craigslist By: Molly

It would be a shame to throw this brown leather Lazy Boy type recliner away. Somebody could really enjoy this recliner. It belongs to the estate of a deacesed friend and needs to be removed from the home.

Yes, it would be a shame, a damned shame. There’s years of use left in that thing.

Sure, the (p)leather is stained, worn, and torn.

Sure, it smells like the man who sat in it every day for 40 years. And the beer he spilled on it. And the cigarettes he smoked until he finally quit 12 years ago.

Sure, the filth covering the carpet around the chair started on the chair and had to either slide off or leak through it to get to the floor. Over and over.

And yes, sure, there may be dormant spores of Legionnaire’s Disease the former chair-sitter brought back from Philadelphia in ’76, visiting for the the Bicentennial.

No question, sure, the nooks and crannies of the buttoned tufts contain forty years of tiny hairs, dandruff, sloughed-off skin, and lazy nose-pickings that never made it to a Kleenex.

Yes, yes, sure, if your parents caught a glimpse of it they’d wonder what the hell had gone wrong with you, and send the pastor over to have a talk.

Of course, sure, if anyone were to come into your house and see this chair, they would turn around and leave, probably screaming, and at least trembling.

And OK, sure, this chair would guarantee the end of any existing romantic relationships and as well ensure the absence of any future ones.

Uh huh, sure, your landlord probably could find some clause in the lease that ownership of this chair would violate.

But you could really enjoy it.

Nit Picker as-is furniture, gross, old, owner dead, ugly, unsanitary