Item not as described.

Found On: Honolulu Craigslist

Across from Haiku Cannery, Bring muscle and trailer

Struggling to free itself from the tar pit, the mammoth found itself sucked further into the muck. Millenia later, its well-preserved remains are discovered. Bring muscle and trailer. And museum curator.

Stephen Spooky construction equipment, manual labor, old, rusty

Found On: Seattle Craigslist

I have an older Champion Motorhome, I think it’s around a ‘72. It needs some TLC, would make a great storage/camping unit at your river property or favorite hunting spot. You tow it, you can have it!

Hi, I’m your ride to the City of INAD. The seats are all waterlogged, so I think you’ll want to stand; hold on tight. And watch where you put your hands, there seems to be a feral cat problem. Fred got bit and he’s been acting a little strange since El Paso.

Stephen as-is creepy, dirty, disturbing, manual labor, old, ugly

Found by: Natalie on Cleveland Craiglist

here are the pictures i can cook for you and your crew and supply beverages

take it down and haul it away

Yeah, I’m happy to do whatever it takes. Drinks, food, hell, maybe even a mani-pedi or four.

You know, anything short of actually paying you for your work.

Stephen as-is dilapidated, manual labor

Spotted by: Nit Picker inTippecanoe

I have this big rock in the back yard that I want gone. It is I good rock, doesn’t get into much trouble as it just sits there where you put it. It doesn’t talk back when you yell at it. Could be a pet rock if thats what you want. Anyway it is about 16″ tall 24″ wide and about 30″ long and It looks heavy so bring help.

The Great Dane of pet rocks, but at least it’s quiet. How many people do you think it would take to remove this? How many day laborers would I have to hire? Sounds expensive. I hope it knows some tricks.

Besides “stay.”

Nit Picker as-is Add new tag, manual labor, nature, suggested uses

Found On: Indianapolis Craigslist By: Lindsey M

Not sure if anybody has any use for it but a pile of broken blocks and cement. All peices can be lifted my hand….also have a big pile of anything that wouldn’t burn beside it i’m looking to get rid of somehow. Thanks

We’ve said it before. As bad as free postings get, there’s always something worse. We bring you: stuff that even purifying, all-consuming fire would not take. This guy’s first thought was “burn it.” That’s how awesome this stuff is, whatever it is.

But Agni, Hindu god of fire, said no to the offering. Belched it right back at him, in fact.

“Well, if fire won’t take it, maybe someone on craigslist will.” I don’t know about you, but I’m a little insulted.

Nit Picker as-is cement, junk, leftover pieces, manual labor

Found On: Spokane Craigslist By: Melissa B

FREE! 10′ x 42′ railroad car. U-Haul. This was formerly a Burlington Northern refrigerator car. There is no refrigeration unit. Very heavy gauge steel top and sides, with wood floor, and hinged doors on each side. There are no holes or leaks in the top, except where a hole has been cut for a wood stove pipe. The floor seems to be solid. All wheels and under-carriage have been removed, and it sits stationary on the ground. It has been used for a shop, storage unit and for weaning young beef calves, but the potential uses for it are unlimited. As you can see from the photos, it needs paint and TLC, but will make a very sturdy and inexpensive out-building. I don’t need it, and my wife thinks that it is ugly and wants it gone. Her wish is my command.
It is very large and heavy. I have no idea how much it weighs. Many tons. It will require a large low-boy equipment trailer, a truck capable of pulling it, and a piece of equipment capable of tipping it onto the trailer.

Eventually, your victim storage space fills up.

And if I know you, you’re too classy to go the shallow grave route. You’re gonna need to go get this.

Nit Picker Spooky creepy, dubious, manual labor, no thx, old, ugly

Found On: Memphis Craigslist By: Molly

We have three large oak trees that were uprooted from the recent storm. If you act quickly, you can have it FREE for cutting and hauling away.

And if I act slowly? Will you charge me for the privilege of performing the service you require? I need to ask my surgeon how much he’ll pay me for my burst appendix, then offer him a discount if he’ll take it out today. It’s a bit uncomfortable, I’m willing to let it go for less than top dollar.

Nit Picker as-is firewood, free is relative, manual labor, storm damage

Found On: Semo Craigslist By: Jan

free metal shed

I can’t believe someone would give away a building designed by Frank Gehry! What’s next, tossing a Picasso?

I’m sorry, that was insensitive – this thing just fell down drunk. Look away, people. It’s already embarrassed enough.

Nit Picker Some Assembly Required broken, dubious, manual labor

Found On: Cincinnati Craigslist By: Jojo

1969 16 foot fiberglass boat with fins on back. no interior, no trailer, no outboard, no title, just a boat hull. could chop it down and make a skiff. or apply for title and they will send you a new vin and title, it dont cost anything, just takes awhile to get it in the mail. bring a trailer or dont show up. Hasnt been on the ground long, dont have to take the sticks, just thru them in a couple weeks ago. need to clean up yard.

That is some salesmanship there. Let’s say I have this boat I really need to unload. It’s in bad shape, and it’s taken over my yard. The kids can’t play, I can’t invite my buddies over for barbecues, and I think there may be some rabid rodents making themselves at home in the boat’s darkest recesses. It would be great if I could get rid of this thing. So great, in fact, that I don’t even want to try to sell it. That will take too long. I’ll just give it away. I repeat, I need to get rid of this boat.

So what can I do to accomplish this? I have an idea. Before I photograph the boat, I will fill it with yard waste. An enormous bunch of sticks, obscuring the boat and reminding people of the Blair Witch Project. That will help move this thing. I may also set it on fire. No, wait, here’s what I’ll do. I will put a life-sized cardboard cut-out of Hitler in front of the boat. Oh, man! No, now I have it – I will decapitate two stray dogs. I will sew their heads onto a third dog. I will photograph this Cerberus-like monstrosity in front of the boat, with the Hitler cut-out holding the leash!* Bang! I’m pretty sure I have this sales thing down. Now, what should I do to spice up the Hyundai I’m selling . . .

*Did this one go a l’il bit too far? No? I didn’t think so, either.

Nit Picker as-is as-is, boat, broken, dirty, manual labor, useless

Found On: Phoenix Craigslist

free rocks and boulders, IF YOU TAKE ALL the circled ones i will pay you 30$

This is a puzzler. Did the circled ones do something particularly bad to deserve the pay incentive? “Look, I’d like to get rid of all these, but my primary concern is getting rid of these ones. Yeah, these few over here. The others? Just rocks, you know? They’re OK. But you can’t believe the shit these ones pulled. I can’t even stand to look at them anymore. Sons of . . . . Well, like I said, the others you can have. But these? Goddamit, you know what? Not $30. I’ll give you $60. What is it gonna take to get these rocks out of my sight?! No, I don’t want to talk about it.”

Nit Picker as-is manual labor, nature, rocks, we pay you