Item not as described.

I’ve decided I’ve had it with blogging. I can do better. I don’t need readers, I need followers. I’m fairly imaginative, somewhat charismatic, and have a nice, deep voice. I deserve followers. So here’s the plan. I’m going to buy some inexpensive property in San Bernardino County, and I’m going to put what I’ve learned from this blog to work. Then I’m going to get all of these post-natural-disaster mobile homes, and move them to San Berdoo.

You can join me there, if you’re willing to hand over all your savings (min. $10k) and promise your undying fealty. I’m working on the details of your new religion right now. It involves elements of Buddhism and the Toastmasters. I’m not promising anything, but I expect that the Brady Bunch “Hawaiian Vacation” episodes will be among our sacred texts. Tell your family you’re going out for cigarettes.

Here are the components of our compound:

Found by: Bradley on Fresno Craigslist

FREE TRAILER YOU MUST MOVE AND PAY ALL COST BUT ITS FREE CONTACT JASON AT #

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Found by: Kerrick on San Francisco Craigslist

FIRST OF ALL——————-WHOEVER IS FLAGGING THIS—–I CONTACTED CL AND THEY SAID ITS IN THE ONLY PLACE IT CAN GO AS A MOVABLE RV——–10X40 MOBILEHOME—ALL INSIDE GOES W/IT—ON 2 AXLES—-AND GOOD TIRES—————THE SPOT WHERE THERE IS MISSING PANELL,IS WHERE THE PORCH WAS:::::::::::

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Found On: Cincinnati Craigslist By: Jojo

This mobile home was damaged in the winds last year and we want it gone. It must be hauled away as one unit. We will not allow removal of plumbing, siding, etc.

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Found On: Anchorage Craigslist

free, no wheels or axels, open on one side

Welcome home.

Stephen Uncategorized busted, missing pieces, mobile home, new jobs

Found by: Brian T on Bellingham Craigslist

MINI BIKE 4 SALE TOTE GOAT I WAS GOING TO GET IT GOING, .LOST INTEREST. SO HERE YOU GO ITS YOURS FOR 75.00 OBO / TRADE? CALL RON

“Jesse, this is all the mini-bike you get until you learn to do your chores. You start doing the dishes, you get a motor. You mow the lawn, you get a chain. Eventually – maybe not this year, maybe not next year – we’ll see about a gas tank and brakes. You keep an eye on what needs doing around the house – extra parts for extra initiative. That’s right, come up with your own chores, I can’t do everything around here.”

Tim-Tom Some Assembly Required missing pieces

Found by: Marlene on Janesville Craigslist

donkey holder is from mexico holds shot glasses and salt shaker,did have more glasses and holder for liquor but is missing if u want them call me

Looking at this picture, its pretty obvious that this donkey sneaks more than a bit for himself.

“Whaddy mean I’m too drunta drive? Iss my job, drivin’ this cart. I haveta get the shot glasses to the guys drinking the ta-kill-ya. Yah, yah, I know, ceramic donkeys are spose’ta have a low tolerance, but I been doin’ this fer years, lotsa tequila, lotsa salt an lime and yeah, anyway, I gotta go get the glass to the guy before he drinks right outta the bottle, aw shit, did I just break another glass? *hic* Which way did they . . . what?”

Stephen Some Assembly Required, voting-page antropomorphized, missing pieces

Found by: Christopher R on Lexington Craiglist

I have a really cute:
Time Out Doll
3 ft tall (approximately the size of a 2 year old child).
This doll has no face. Can be either a boy or a girl. Has Auburn curls.
Has a stuffed frog hanging out of back right pocket.
It can be placed in a corner as a time out child and can be displayed inside or out.
NOTE: Clothes on child come with some very light stains on it.
I am asking $25 for it.
(Cash only with exact change please.)

“Hi, I’m selling a nightmare I had about two weeks ago. It involved a doll. Without a face. Want it? I’ll throw in other subconscious fears for the right price.”

I have no idea why this exists. To show other children you must be obeyed? To terrify them into thinking they, too, may one day be subjected to a 6-week-long, day-and-night “timeout”? To lure compassionate adults to tap the motionless child on the shoulder, only to be startled when they learn it’s not a child, but some sort of decoy, by which time you’ve stolen their wallets?

Dunno. All I know is that a doll that has no face is going to have real trouble selling as “cute.”

Stephen Spooky creepy, missing pieces, scary dolls

Found by: Colin Y on Sacramento Craigslist

I have a fridge that needs a new home. I was leaking and the doors got tossed out. If someone wants it come and pick it up. Thanks

A leaking, doorless refrigerator? Are you sure that’s all you want to get rid of? Why not just go for it, and try to unload a few other burdens? You never know who may bite!*

“Also available: my malaise, my genetic predisposition to pancreatic cancer, my inferiority and Oedipus complexes, and my poor credit rating. Must take all. No delivery.”

_{*”You never know” – the anemic lifeblood of free classifieds.}

Stephen Some Assembly Required missing pieces, unwieldy, useless

It’s Labor Day here in the U.S. of A. The end of summer. Time for school to start, time to take the job seriously again (no more early departures on Fridays), and apparently, time to destroy the swimming pool.

“It’s been nice, summer, but so long as I have to look at the pool in the backyard, it will be hard to let you go. I need a ritual release. I need to mark the end of our relationship in a big, bold way. I need to kill the swimming pool.

Then try to see if someone will buy the remains.”

Found by: Anon on Kanas City Craigslist

I have a 18×33 swimming pool for sale. it has been sitting since 2007. The pump and all is still there. It needs a liner. I am asking $250obo.

Found by: Kam & Amy on Thunderbay Kijiji

Above ground pool, as is, needs some TLC and perhaps some duct tape.Good for parts.

_{p.s. – yeah, Thunder Bay is in Canada. I think they have Labo[u]r Day, today, too.}

Stephen Some Assembly Required holiday, missing pieces, pool, wrecked

Found by: Kiskisdrr on Detroit Craigslist

This was in my basement when I moved in. It would only be good for parts for a restoration. You move it out yourself. You need to be careful though, because the stair way is rather narrow. Do not damage it moving the piano out!

Like hot tubs and concrete rubble, old pianos litter the free classifieds. It makes sense: they take up a lot of room, they go out of tune, they give the mice a place to hide, and when the earthquake finally comes, you’ll be bummed if you find yourself sitting next to one. So again – lots of no-longer-appreciated pianos. Hell, Neko Case apparently filled a barn with free pianos she found on craigslist.

So I think it’s gonna take some kind of miracle for this poster to find a taker for these piano remains. The only hope she has is if a Professor of Particulate Science decides that this is too rich a trove of ancient dust to pass up.

Stephen Epic Listing, Some Assembly Required missing pieces, piano, unwieldy

Found On: Craigslist By: Anonymous

mens zip off pants -navy- just the lower leg part. see photo. Or perhaps they are called outdoor pants or convertible pants. They are in good shape, they just have dust on them. I don’t know what size these go to, but most likely 32 long.

It was 102 in Seattle today, and I’m betting that will never change. I’m all shorts, all the time, baby! Besides, I want everyone to be able to see my new tattoo. Pant legs are for people without something beautiful to share.

Nit Picker classy clothing, dusty, missing pieces, mysterious, old

Found On: Indianapolis Craigslist By: Laura H

free corner couch that was part of like an 1800$ couch, house to small for it left on front pouch and dogs kinda got it all dirty, but still in fair shape. i do have this add up for the couch on another posting, just as the first one the matieral is stain resistant velour and comes off very easily just dont want to mess with it n plus dont have room

I saw this and thought – “Just think of the science fair project I could have! This wedge of ick must contain entire germ civilizations! I’ll bet a replacement for penicillin could be harvested from cultures somewhere on this chair – that crevice between the two cushions looks like the sweet spot. College scholarship, here I come!”

Sadly, I checked the rules for the 2009 Central Indiana Science & Engineering Fair. It’s a no go:

“The following list of prohibited items cannot be part of any display at the Regional Science Fair:

-Water or other liquids, even in a sealed container.
-Living or formerly living materials including:

Plants, animals, or microbes (bacteria, molds, yeasts, or algae).
Spoiled food or other decomposing organic matter.
Microbial cultures.
Soil or waste samples.
Preserved plant or animal material including: dried plant material and taxidermy specimens or parts.
Human or animal parts (exceptions: hair, teeth, nails, bones, histological sections, and wet-mount tissue slides)
Human or animal food

-Sharp items
-Flames or highly flammable materials
-Tanks with any substances under pressure
-Batteries with open-top cells
-Poisons, drugs, or controlled substances
-Dry ice or other sublimating solids
-Moving parts with unprotected belts and/or pulleys
-Class III and IV lasers
-Other items which in the judgment of the Safety Committee of the Regional Science Fair pose a threat to the health of safety of participants, judges, or spectators”

So I guess my competition dreams are off the table, but maybe I can come up with something involving a Class I or II laser. Or fingernails.

In other news:”stain resistant”?

Nit Picker as-is couch, dirty, furniture, missing pieces, unsanitary

Found On: Salt Lake City Craigslist By: Melissa B

I have a portable dishwasher that just stopped working in mid-cycle.
It’s old.
It looks terrible. A screw broke off and the front panel is all bent up, you can see my gorilla tape job in the photos.
The welding on the bottom left portion of the inside broke.
When I bought it (used) we had an appliance tech come look at it when it did the same thing. He ‘hotwired’ a switch to work. That may be the problem. It may not be the problem.
I don’t know. I took it apart to try and figure it out, and it was so melted and gross, I just threw all the parts into the washing trays and moved the unit to storage and purchased another dishwasher.
I just want this gone.
I’d rather give it to someone that will try to fix it (lot of work!) than throw it out

I applaud the candor. There is nothing right with this diswasher. Every possible thing is wrong. I expected the last sentence to be “if you’re clinically insane, you might want this.” Or maybe: “It is valuable primarily as a door-blocker – you know, to keep out the bad guys, or the cops, when they try to get in. You need something incredibly heavy to keep them out.” Or perhaps: “dropped from even a low height, this would kill your enemies.” You know, we do tend to devalue things here, but there’s always some practical use for a freecycled item. Too bad it often involves human suffering.

Nit Picker as-is appliance, broken, gross, honest, missing pieces, old