Item not as described.

I am often preoccupied with the philosophical questions posed by classifieds.

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Found by: Chris on San Francisco Craigslist

Used to have drawers now just the frame

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Does a dresser without drawers become a “hutch,” or is it just firewood?

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Found On: Pullman Craigslist By: Melissa B

FREE – ONLY THE SWING SET – needs swings!
Can be disassembled – YOU HAUL!

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What is a swingset without swings, really?

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Found by: GiddyGirlie on Orange County Craigslist

Sentry safe with no comb! I lost the combo…..

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And how can one use a safe without a combination? All I can think of is weight to block the door when the zombies come. But that’s something, I guess.

Stephen Uncategorized mysterious, what is it

Found by: Lacey on Owensboro Craigslist

This book really blessed me, I’d like to pass it on to anyone who wants it – just email me your name and mailing address. I’ll pay the postage to send it to you!

“Speaking in Tongues at Spirit Baptism” explains why speaking in tongues is essential and is the initial sign of the New Birth experience. Many scriptural passages in the book will really help you understand the truth about this subject.

Email me your name and address and I’ll put a copy in the mail to you for free, and pass on the blessing.

A few years ago, I was driving on Interstate 40, near Knoxville, Tennessee. We had listened to all the CD’s, too many times each, and decided to try the radio. We tuned to the left of the dial, and every few miles, a different preacher’s voice would come out of the speakers. They all had a very similar, rhythmic tone, with stress on the last word of every line. I remember it being kind of hypnotizing.

One of the preachers spent some time speaking in tongues. Now, I had heard of speaking in tongues, and imagined someone channelling (or pretending to channel) ancient Aramaic, or something else they used to speak along the Tigris and Euphrates in robe-and-beard times. But that’s not what this was. This was a very middle-American style of gibberish. “Hibbety-hibbety, miggily-miggily, kaboo! kaboo! bimpily-oo!”

If I were one of his followers, I’d probably be a bit insulted. “Really, pastor? That’s the best you can do? Those are rubber snakes you’re handling, too, aren’t they?”

Stephen Spooky mysterious, supernatural

Found by: Sarah on Indianapolis Craigslist

Looking for someone to make some grilled cheese sandwiches! Can’t pay anything but a warm house and friendly conversation. We have the bread, butter, and cheese. We are just too lazy to make it. Serious inquires only!

Sure, this seemed strange to me as soon as I saw it. You have the ingredients, but lack the know-how? And want a stranger to cook for you? Huh. But it was days before I noticed that this is a personals ad. Now, we don’t usually cover personals ads, but we don’t get that many submissions, so we have to be flexible. And this is just weird enough to make us bend.

Full disclosure – we’re not part of the w4w community, so maybe we’re a bit square and out of the loop. But is “looking for someone to make some grilled cheese sandwiches!” some sort of expression? Is this lingo we’ve just never seen? Do “warm house” and “friendly conversation” have secret in-crowd meanings?

“We have the bread, butter, and cheese.” Well of course you do. Say no more.

“We are just too lazy to make it.” I heard that!

I think this is starting to make sense.

Stephen delicious food, mysterious

Found by: Starr St. Louis Craigslist

*****THESE 2 KNIGHTS THEY STAND 5 FT TALL THEY ARE MADE OF METAL AND ARE BLACKISH GOLD WILL TAKE 45.00 FOR THE PAIR EACH ONE SHEILD WEPON CALL ME THANK YOU NEED TO GO ASAP ******* they are tall and cool NEED TO GO SOON NEED MONEY

Home security services are expensive. There’s the set up, then the monthly fees, and hell, if you cancel, they probably send someone to rob you just to prove you shouldn’t have. But here’s an alternative. An easy one-time cost, and your home will forever be safe. Place these on the steps and no one – no one – will ever break in. They’ll figure if you’re crazy enough to put these up outside, god knows what’s going on inside. Of course, no one will ever visit, either, except the president of the Homeowners Association. She’ll have a cease-and-desist order with her. It may be a match for your knights.

It’s going to get pretty crowded inside if you bring them in.

Stephen classy mysterious, scary dolls, unwieldy

Found by: Donna on

I found the scull of a small animal. Raccoon? Cat? Chihuahua? Arf!!! First come, first served. If ad is up, items still available. Pickup only, Will consider interesting trades.

Ianno, I have an emergency project for you, table the pissing toad until next month. Turn this into a codpiece, tout suite. I need it by Halloween.

Stephen classy mysterious, unsanitary

Found by: Jenni on Craigslist

Glass Computer Desk in great shape has extra wooden shelf for storage. Can be assembled either inside or outside. Need gone ASAP.
Plant $15

Found by: Anon on Chattanooga Craigslist

little girls clothes for sale. sizes 4-6.

I like to imagine that people who do this – posting a picture completely unrelated to their post – do it intentionally, and a little spitefully: “Look, I’m more or less giving this away, why should I make it easy for you? If you need a cheap glass desk, does it need to be just right? All you need to know is it’s cheap. Beggars can’t be choosers, precious. Here, look at my fake banana plant. And be grateful, dammit.”

Stephen as-is misdirection, mysterious

Found by: Chris on Lexington Craigslist

MUST pick up! Reply to this ad if you want it!

“Hi, I’m calling about that free ____ you’re getting rid of. It looks great. I’d really like to use it for my ____. Does it still ____ well? Is the ____ working? That often breaks. OK. How many ____ does it take? Oh, that’s a lot, nice. That’ll fit in my ____, right? I don’t need to rent a _____? Why are you getting rid of it, did something go wrong with the ____? Oh, a little fritzy, huh? Did you look at the ____? And that didn’t fix it? Well, I’ve got some ____ tools just for ____, so I can probably figure it out.”

But seriously, what?

Update: apparently, this is some sort of pool filter – one that the poster didn’t want anyone to be able to do a search for.

In any event, I keep getting messages from someone going by the handle “Bananas Idol Me”* saying it looks perfect for a project he’s working on. He’s apparently in Afghanistan somewhere.

*This looks suspiciously like an anagram.

Stephen as-is mysterious, wtf

Found On: Craigslist By: Anonymous

mens zip off pants -navy- just the lower leg part. see photo. Or perhaps they are called outdoor pants or convertible pants. They are in good shape, they just have dust on them. I don’t know what size these go to, but most likely 32 long.

It was 102 in Seattle today, and I’m betting that will never change. I’m all shorts, all the time, baby! Besides, I want everyone to be able to see my new tattoo. Pant legs are for people without something beautiful to share.

Nit Picker classy clothing, dusty, missing pieces, mysterious, old