“Free pompous grass. I’m digging it all up out of my yard this week.”

But be warned: you’ll want to dig it all up out of your yard as well, probably around the tenth time it starts yammering about that semester it spent as part of the landscape at Oxford.

I have this big rock in the back yard that I want gone. It is I good rock, doesn’t get into much trouble as it just sits there where you put it. It doesn’t talk back when you yell at it. Could be a pet rock if thats what you want. Anyway it is about 16″ tall 24″ wide and about 30″ long and It looks heavy so bring help.

The Great Dane of pet rocks, but at least it’s quiet. How many people do you think it would take to remove this? How many day laborers would I have to hire? Sounds expensive. I hope it knows some tricks.

Besides “stay.”

free rocks and boulders, IF YOU TAKE ALL the circled ones i will pay you 30$

This is a puzzler. Did the circled ones do something particularly bad to deserve the pay incentive? “Look, I’d like to get rid of all these, but my primary concern is getting rid of these ones. Yeah, these few over here. The others? Just rocks, you know? They’re OK. But you can’t believe the shit these ones pulled. I can’t even stand to look at them anymore. Sons of . . . . Well, like I said, the others you can have. But these? Goddamit, you know what? Not $30. I’ll give you $60. What is it gonna take to get these rocks out of my sight?! No, I don’t want to talk about it.”