Item not as described.

Found by: Karen on Clarksville Craiglist

I am giving away a couple of mugs, a hat, and a dvd on Dale’s life. I have copies of these things and I want to share them with other die hard fans. This is for serious fans only. If interested, you must call me and tell me what Earnhardt’s middle name was and the name of the city he was born in. LIke I said before this is for serious fans only.
Call now, this deal will go quickly.

Ask for John
Thank you and GOD BLESS

Way to try and weed out those fake fans who’ll try to get this stuff from you for their nefarious non-fan needs. Just beware, some of those mofo’s may find this information on the internet to try to trick you into thinking they’re deserving.

How to guard against this? I dunno, maybe a few on-the-spot questions about old Dale. Moustache width? Favorite light beer? Lap of the 2001 Daytona 500 in which he died? I don’t know, but you have to find some way to make sure these don’t get in to the wrong hands.

Stephen classy quiz, unlikely takers

Found On: Seattle Craigslist

I HAVE ALOT STOFS LIKES BIG BAGS CLOSES ALL GOOD
NEW CLOSES TO TVS.

As far as I can tell from this post, we’re expected to go pick up someone’s trash. Between the black plastic bags and the language barrier, there’s really no reason to think there’s anything in there worth getting, but I admire the attempt at salesmanship. Those ALL CAPS almost have me convinced to check out the STOFS and the CLOSES. I mean, it’s only time and gas, right? Oooh, and self-respect. I keep forgetting that.

Nit Picker voting-page can't spell, garbage, unknown, unlikely takers

Found On: Lincoln Craigslist By: Ryan M

Free dental cuspidor. You pick up.

I love that song: “yo soy un cuspidor, I’m a spittoon baby, so why don’t you spit in me.”*

That aside, I think someone, somewhere, is having the following thought right now: “Yes, I failed dental school, and my ‘license’ is something I designed using Microsoft Paint and laminated at Walgreens. But dammit, I’m going to have my dentistry practice. All I need is my love of teeth, and a . . . oh my god, there it is, and it’s free . . .”

But seriously, INAD cautions against back-alley root canals. Keep Dentistry Legal!

*Here’s hoping a 15-year-old Beck song isn’t too esoteric a reference.

Nit Picker classy dentist, torture, unlikely takers, what is it

Found On: Washington D.C. Craigslist

By: Kegan Q

EPSON LQ-850; Needs a new printhead, will include extra ribbons.

Honest to god, I originally wrote down “Don’t Matrix Printer.” My subconscious has strong feelings about obsolete technology. I believe this model originated in 1990. There’s some name for that era, like Jurassic or Pleistocene, but later. The PreInternetlian? I don’t know, but I do know that this printer is of interest to techno-paleontologists alone. Don’t be deceived by the nice presentation, this is as useful to you as a Commodore 64 with a few stuck keys (awaits angry comments from old-timey C64 hobbyists).

Nit Picker as-is broken, old, technology, unlikely takers, useless

Found On: Miami Craigslist

Free Bited never used it. e-mail me for address,thnx

Despite the fact that bidets are all but non-existent in the U.S., this is the second one we’ve seen being given away. Both claimed not to have been used. Who buys an incredibly obscure appliance, then takes it home and doesn’t install it? Is there some sort of bidet-ambition that grabs hold of people, who are then stopped dead by the harsh realities of bidet ownership? “I love the French. I want to live like the French. But I don’t want to shoot water at my ass. I just don’t.” This may also explain the Freudian slip of “bited.” You wanna be French, but not enough to learn a new word.

Nit Picker as-is can't spell, dubious, toilet, unlikely takers

Found On: Appleton Craigslist

Free house plant. Not sure the variety. The pot is NOT included.

Well, I can see why you wouldn’t want to part with that pot. Sweet piece of ceramics there. So what is included? That seems to leave a bit of dirt. And a plant corpse. I’ll be right over

Stephen as-is as-is, garden, unlikely takers

Found On: Phoenix Craigslist

A fun game to play when looking at free classifieds is “What is the Most Worthless Item?” or “WIMWI” as we in the biz call it. You’ll think you have it all figured out with, say, a punctured bicycle tire or a shredded chair, but then something like this comes along. Unmatched shoes. Top that. I’m guessing it’s at least three days before you can.

Stephen Some Assembly Required old, single shoe, ugly, unlikely takers

Found On: Bay Area Craigslist

“IF YOU ARE LOOKING FOR A PIECE OF FURNITURE THAT YOU THINK YOUR DOG WILL LOVE AS A BED THIS WILL WORK GREAT.”

Interesting angle, but my dog doesn’t really need a loveseat to sleep on. He sleeps in his loft bed, which frees up space in his bedroom for his desk and his Playstation 3.

Nit Picker classy pet hair, ugly couch, unlikely takers

Found On: Bay Area Craigslist

You know, for your cattle farm. Call me a skeptic, but I just don’t see the confluence of necessary factors taking place:

1. You live in the Bay Area;
2. You have a cattle farm;
3. You need a cattle grain feeder;
4. You think you may find one on the internet;
5. You work your way to the Free Stuff section and find this;
6. You learn that it’s in working condition, satisfying your cattle grain feeder needs.

Nit Picker delicious oddity, ugly, unlikely takers