Item not as described.

Found by: Britton on Bellingham Craigslist

Hello we just built this pallet built wood shed just this summer and are moving due to land lord selling the home. So if you have a way of getting this wood shed and need one, its yours if not you could have the pallets to keep warm in your fire place. Please email and Ill give u the info to get here. Also theres other things like a leather black and gold looking bar, a desk several things we have but do not need. Thanks

“Jesse, you’re finally getting your own bedroom. Not quite watertight, but it don’t rain most days. Don’t forget yer bed, and your stuffed animal. If it gets cold, here’s some matches, just light the south wall. Yeah, the one facing away from the house.”

Stephen as-is . . . of the damned, suggested uses, unsafe

It’s a bumper crop of hazardous waste disposal “freebies.” I thought these were bad, but this “tanker trailer” has the added bonus of being completely unwieldy.

Found by: Matt on Boston Craigslist

Tanker trailer
Tanker is full of asphalt

Found by: Alex on Cincinnati Craigslist

I NEED THESE GONE ASAP BRING A TRAILER AND SOME HELP THEY EXTREMELY HEAVY HAVE AN ASPHALT SEALER IN THEM KEROSENE WILL CLEAN THEM OUT GOOD I HAVE 2 THIS SIZE AND A SMALLER ROUND ONE NEED GONE AGAIN ASAP EMAIL FOR ADDRESS HAVE PICS OF THE OTHER ONES BUT WONT LOAD ON CRAIGSLIST

Mmmm, caked with carcinogens. We can’t be far from the day someone advertises “free fill from Superfund site. That’s right, the government thinks this dirt is ‘super’! Come on down and take all you want!”

Stephen as-is unsafe, unwieldy

Found by: Beka on Craigslist

I have a homemade bike me and my brother built many years ago. Runs and drives but the back tire kind of rides sideways. The seat blew out a few years ago and I made do with a sofa cushion, duct tape and a couple of 2x 4’s ( the ultimate fix! ). It runs like a champ but does smoke alot especially if you are hard on the gas. Uses about a quart of oil for each gas fillup. I usually just put the oil directly in the gas as it is going to burn it anyway and that way it is easy. Can’t drive over 12 miles or so at a time as the motor gets red hot and starts loosing power so probably a good bike for someone who drives locally. Does backfire and squeel pretty loud occasionally so I usually wear earplugs of some kind. DOES NOT pass emmissions so would need to be registered in a county without emmisions check. Great first bike otherwise!

It’s the new Death Wish 1200, just in time for the 2010 model year. Illegal here in the U.S. (we’re kind of safety-crazed), but popular in Kyrgyzstan, where the “Mad Max” movies are considered reality programming. Comes with a replica of the outfit worn by Mel Gibson in “Beyond Thunderdome.” Tina Turner’s outfit is available as an option.

Stephen classy but cool nonetheless, probably illegal, unsafe

Found by: Catherine on Memphis Craigslist

I have a 3 y/o male ostrich. Actually I have 23 of them . This particular one is mean. Real mean!!! He will kick you into the middle of next week. He bites and attacks anything that moves. He needs to go to a home that will not eat him. I have thought of it more than once. He would make a great guard bird for a salvage yard. But he eats anything he can get in his mouth. There is no re homing fee. You must capture and restrain for transport. You must TRANSPORT at your own risk. You must sign a hold harmless affidavit in case he hurts you.

If you replaced the word “ostrich” with “rabid dog” or “rogue elephant,” this would be obviously unreasonable. This is probably just as bad, but somehow, the fact that it’s an angry ostrich makes it almost cute. If only I had a junkyard that needed guarding. Or enemies who needed attacking.

Stephen Uncategorized ostrich, unsafe

Found by: Malia on Humboldt Craigslist

This is a working toaster oven. The problem is it doesn’t shut off automatically, so if you walk away and forget about it, it’ll keep toasting, and toasting, and toasting …. Yours for free if you think you can keep an eye on it. You will sign a liability waiver form if you want to take this toaster.

On any given day, week, or at worst, month, there are gonna be quite a few toaster ovens being given away. Something about the nature of the thing – maybe that we don’t clean them, and ultimately decide the collected crumbs, etc., are just too icky – but you can always find the toaster oven you need in the free classifieds.

Ugly, maybe, but you can find one that works.

Since free toaster ovens are common, why would I take the one that stands a fair chance – depending on how drunk, tired, or distracted I am – of killing me, my family, or the whole neighborhood? Are there people looking for the excitement of a highly dangerous appliance? The toaster-user equivalent of basejumpers? Free solo’ers? The kind of people willing to get into this pool? I think you’d have to be a pretty serious adrenaline junkie to take a shot at this one.

Stephen as-is broken, unsafe

Found by: Shelly on Seattle Craigslist

This post is pending for pickup.

Just checked. It’s still “pending for pickup.” I have a feeling that will be “pending” for a while. Have I ever told you that I am an NFL quarterback? Well, you know, pending draft, contract, and learning how to throw a ball.

1980 Love Mate Travel Trailer

That sounds like something pleasant. Fun, even. “Love Mate.” I think they may have mislabeled this particular unit. “Partner in Despair” sounds more accurate.

1 bedroom, 1 bath, aluminum siding, dual axles, missing one wheel, gas furnace, has tipout in frontroom lived in til last year.

Picture the person able/willing to live in this – presuming this looked more or less the same last year as it does today. I ask a simple question – do you want to meet this person in an isolated field?

I have owned the trailer for 20yrs. Bought from my sister’s father in law. He has since died a couple of years ago and title can’t be found.

That is a very interesting story. I’m not sure why you told it, but I suppose the fact that you have family members does make you – a person willing to live in this trailer – seem a little less frightening.

IT IS MISSING A WHEEL.

Thanks again, got it.

In my opinion it is not in condition to be lived in. It has been sitting a year with no heat. Roof in frontroom partial crushed from snow this winter.

And this coming from someone who lived in it until very recently. Even by his standards, this thing is a disaster. Or is it . . . ?

The county kicked me out because(someone called them) you cannot legally live in recreational vehicle.

That tells us a bit more about him, doesn’t it? This is not in livable condition, but he would have remained in it, had it not been for some goddamned snitch. I’m beginning to get a distinct Ted Kaczynski vibe from our donor. I no longer want only to avoid him, I want to avoid entering the trailer. I suspect it contains booby traps he’s long since forgotten. “Oh yeah, don’t open tha . . . *kablamo*!!1!”

It appears to be safe enough to tow but I’m no expert, just a computer technician.

“Computer technician?” Let me guess. This is the last computer you were well-versed in. Or was it this:

Do they make computers out of rust and misery? Those seem like the things you might have technical skills in.

If you still interested, send email Wil

I think I’m very interested. But more in hearing the hair-raising tales Wil could tell than in the trailer.

Stephen as-is dilapidated, disturbing, rusty, trailer, unsafe, wrecked

Found On: Boise Craigslist By:Armory V

Some wear, broken axle. If you can fix it, it should serve you well. And the price is right. First come first serve.

What you need to be worried about here is the other, hidden damage this thing suffered when it was raced so hard that the axle broke. Push a stroller to 80 mph, and you’re bound to end up with some fatigue to the materials.

Stephen Some Assembly Required Add new tag, broken, not street legal, unsafe

Found On: Spokane Craigslist By: Nicole B

I have 4 maybe more 55 gal metal drums I believe there all full of paint. The person who I purchesed the property from used to work at kaiser aluminum. So I would think they have something to do with painting metals. Call me for location of pick up thanks

Maybe it’s just me, but I’ve always thought the word “several” has a classy feel to it. Not “a couple,” not “a few,” no “bunch,” several. So I was curious. Perhaps these several metal drums would contain monocles, or top hats. You know, something classy, in bulk. Imagine my disappointment at learning they contain toxic waste. Which brings me to Part II.

Part II (In which bad gets worse):

I’ve noted before that the free classified perusal biz comes with an inevitable quest to find the bottom. When will we see the thing that is the least desirable? The most aggressively horrifying? It never appears. There’s always something worse, you just haven’t seen it yet. Unless someone in your neighborhood is giving away the skinned carcass of a dead ex-friend – that might be hard to beat.

This is in the running for the worst of the worst of the worst. “Something to do with painting metal” = toxic waste. If this poster were to try to dispose of these legally, he’d have to do a few things. First, he’d have to contact the Washington State Department of Ecology, and probably the U.S. Environmental Protection Agency, have these drums examined, and apply for disposal permits. Then, he’d have to hire a private environmental remediation firm – guys walking around in HazMat suits, sounding like Darth Vader when they speak – to handle the materials. And of course, there’s paying for placement of the goop at some hazardous waste disposal site. A process of weeks, at a cost of thousands.

But “hey,” he thinks, “maybe I could give this stuff away on craigslist, and avoid having my new piece of land declared a profound environmental hazard! Craigslist, hell, that’s how I met my girlfriend and found my mountain bike. I’ll try it.”

Please, dear god, please tell me this won’t work.

Part III:

“Hi, I’m here for the metal drums.”

Oh, well.

Nit Picker as-is can't spell, dubious, probably illegal, unknown, unsafe, unwieldy

Found On: Austin Craigslist By: James L

We were just going to throw this out, but we thought … well somebody might want it. It worked well for us when we needed it. It’s dirty looking, but very portable for a booster seat. First person to come get it can have it. We’ll leave it out in the drive way

Look, I hate children as much as the next guy, but . . . wow. If anything counts as child abuse, placing a child in this seat is it. If you take this, be sure not to let anyone see you with it. Child Protective Services will take your child, immediately. No “due process,” no gradual, multi-step penalty system. Kids. Gone. Now. Approved for kid-dungeon use only. And not the fun kind of kid-dungeon.

Nit Picker as-is as-is, broken, dirty, old, unsafe, unsanitary

Found On: York Craigslist By: Josh B

HEY, IT’S FREE!!!!

OK, so “free” now excuses all flaws? I’m supposed to forgive – nay, welcome – a crippled trampoline crammed into a dreary pool (itself already hosting what appears to be a flourishing weed garden) because it’s free? To my knowledge, every fatal disease ever contracted on Earth has been “free.”  No one, however, has ever said: “this cough will kill me by morning, but at least I got a phenomenal deal on it.”

Nit Picker Uncategorized, as-is broken, dubious, gross, pool, trampoline, unsafe