Found On: Ventura Craigslist
By: Amber F
MOTOERHOME FRAME. MUST TAKE IT ALL.
This kind of demolition doesn’t happen by accident. This RV screwed with the wrong people. Either that, or it was used on some low-end, web-only reality show. Maybe . . . “Who Wants to Wreck Some Shit?”
As I wrote that, I thought, “Don’t! Keep it to yourself! Get a sit down with Mark Burnett first.” If this show appears somewhere, I will show up looking for royalties. Of course, there will be plenty to go around. Hell, if “Wipeout” continues on ABC, “Who Wants to Wreck Some Shit?” is a sure thing. Like “Kardashian Catfight: Season 7.” Don’t tell me you haven’t seen it.
Nit Picker as-is as-is, broken, creepy, dubious, not street legal, old, ugly, unsafe
Found On: Seattle Craigslist
FREE Vintage Homart Squirrel Cage Fan/Blower. Still runs.
Honestly, we’re not sure what this is. “Fan,” sure, but not the place-in-the-window kind. It looks big enough that installation probably requires a permit from the city planning department. Given the condition of this thing, what you save in purchase price, you’re gonna lose in bribes to the guy at the permit counter. No way he signs off on this beast without some serious palm-greasing. Keep in mind, it’s his head on the chopping block when the first kid loses a hand in it, or it explodes, spreading flaming shrapnel for two blocks.
Nit Picker as-is as-is, dubious, unsafe, vintage
Found On: Bay Area Craigslist
box of wires pulled from audio projects
Beating someone with a cat o’ nine tails is an “audio project”? Well, I guess the screams count as sound.
To find the real good stuff in this pile, you first have to go in up to your elbows and weed out the knots of horsehair and underfed snakes. Try plugging a California Kingsnake into an RCA plug and you’ve got trouble. They’re just not shielded very well.
Nit Picker as-is oddity, odds n ends, unsafe, useless
Found On: Craigslist
1 brand new/sealed bottle of Emerald Greens with exp date of 2002, plus other partially used – free to pick up at my home.
Expiration date 2002? That’s awhile ago, right? Seven years? Have they done studies to find out the effect of expiration on these things? If I take these pills that expired seven years ago, might I break out in a rash? Might my colon expand to fill my entire body? Could I become something like a werewolf? Might I develop peculiar new behaviors akin to Tourette’s Syndrome, but even more drastic? You don’t know? Because no one in history has ever ingested a seven-year-expired colon cleanse pill? So I’d be the first person ever to do so? I’d be . . . experimenting? With my colon? The only colon I have? Connected to the only stomach, lungs, heart, brain, etc., that I have? Supporting the only life I have? But it’s free? Well, OK, why not, my colon likes surprises.
Nit Picker as-is expired, unsafe
Found On: Seattle Craigslist
I have a propane tank out of a truck. please e-mail if want
Propane tank, or former propane tank? Refilling this thing might be interpreted as an act of violence. It would certainly tip the balance of terror in your neighborhood – “give her a wide berth, that thing could go off any time.” Presuming you don’t want the kind of responsibility that comes with owning a ticking time bomb, some other uses might be more appropriate. It appears that this has already been serving as a moss farm, so maybe that’s it. Do you need some rust? There’s plenty of that to harvest, too. Ultimately, though, I’m seeing “battering ram” as the highest and best purpose here. You can lend it to the police for dramatic warrantless entries.
Nit Picker as-is busted, rusty, unsafe
Found On: Milwaukee Craigslist
Only used a couple years by elderly individual. All residue has been pressure washed off.
Only “a couple years”? Oh lord, I do not want to know the math on that. When we need one of these, it’s gonna be a new one. The mere knowledge that this has been used – a lot – by someone before, someone once suffering from incapacitating decrepitude and – by the way – now presumably dead, is really more than we can bear. Thanks for mentioning the “residue,” though. That makes it really easy to take a pass on this, pressure-washed or not.
Stephen as-is as-is, unsafe, unsanitary
Found On: Bay Area Craigslist
Not the first trampoline we’ve noted, but the first featuring exciting new DeathSlot* technology.
Nit Picker as-is broken, disturbing, probably illegal, unsafe
Found on: Bay Area Craigslist
For the parent who wants his child dead, but can’t bring himself to pull the trigger: an indirect filicidal device – the deeply damaged skateboard ramp.
“You go have fun, Jesse. Daddy picked you up a skateboard ramp.”
“It looks a little old, Daddy.”
“Every little boy wants a skateboard ramp, Jesse. Daddy got you one. Go play.”
“It’s cracked and broken and has holes in it, Daddy.”
“Tony Hawk could handle it Jesse. You do want to be like Tony Hawk, don’t you?”
“Yeees.”
“Now take your skateboard and go play.”
“Oookay. Where’s my helmet?”
“Helmets are for girls, Jesse. You’re not a girl, are you?”
“Noooo.”
“Oh, and be sure to give your brother a turn.”
Nit Picker classy bad parenting, broken, disturbing, unsafe
Found On: Bay Area Craigslist
“FREE TO A GOOD HOME!!!! “
The only possible use for this would be playing the role of the field office in Blair Witch 3: The Blair Witch Construction Project. In this installment, the Blair Witch continues to terrorize the Maryland wilderness, this time through the erection of depressing subdivisions.
Nit Picker Spooky dilapidated, dirty, disturbing, unsafe
Found On: Bay Area
“NO DRIVE LINES, NO STEERING LINKAGE, JERRY RIGGED LIFT, you will need to tow it! Don’t call & ask stupind questions!”
Please forgive me if these are “stupind” questions, but there are just a few things I need to know:
1. What?
2. Why?
3. How do you manage to misspell “samurai,” a word that is surely emblazoned somewhere on the vehicle you have obviously spent a great deal of time ruining? In literally the largest type size you will ever see the word “samurai” printed in, ever?
4. Why?
5. What?
Nit Picker as-is can't spell, not street legal, ugly, unsafe
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