Item not as described.

Found by: Kate W on San Francisco Craigslist

Found these loitering in my cupboard and want to get rid of them as I’m moving

- ground rice hot cereal mix (a bit like grits, but rice-based) – from the bulk section at Whole Foods
- imitation bacon bits – from Berkeley Bowl
- fake sugar sweetener
- tin of Libby’s crushed pineapple

from my fridge
- most of a jar of Smuckers marmalade
- about half a pack of Philadelphia cream cheese

Email if interested and I will put them out. Location is near Piedmont Ave and MacArthur (will give address if you email)

When I think of a partially-used container of cream cheese, I don’t think: “Hey! I love cream cheese! Lemme at it!” I think: “Why have you decided to rid yourself of the remaining cream cheese?”

I can imagine only a few answers, and they involve things like mold, condensation, and dried out, crumbly, edges. None of those are appetizing. They’re not even bearable. Please just throw away your half-eaten cream cheese and stop treating the rest of us like animals. You’ve advertised this on the internet. Everyone reading your post has access to a computer. People with access to a computer can do better for themselves. Even the guys at the library.

Stephen delicious food, unsanitary

Found by: Llianexsi on Chicago Craigslist

You know those Red Bull beverage holders you see at grocery stores and kwiky-marts? Well, now it can be yours! For free!!

There’s been a Red Bull cooler in the backyard of my building, and the owners left it when they moved. It’s been outside for awhile, and has exterior damage in a couple places (the worst is located on the back, pictured below), but I brought it in a few weeks ago and cleaned it up. It definitely still gives that “Oh, cool, you’ve got a Red Bull container” effect. Has a tube, maybe for draining melted ice? (Also pictured below, the tube pushes back in.)

Perfect for patios, dorm rooms, outdoor barbeques, you name it.

Oh dear god – the rats have gotten into the Red Bull again. Let’s stay at your parents until they crash. I can’t take them when they have “wings.”

Stephen as-is broken, depressing, unsanitary

Hi. I have a light brown plaid loveseat for sale.

Sounds ugly. Sure it doesn’t belong on the curb?

I used to refer to it as a sofa until my boyfriend corrected me.

Your boyfriend sounds like a dick. Sofa, loveseat, whatever. I’ll bet he talks like Napoleon Dynamite. “It’s a loveseat, idiot! Gosh!”

I think it’s around 20 or so years old.

You want money for this?

It is very comfortable.

I’ll pay for comfort. Especially very comfort.

One of my favorite things in the apartment.

OK, salesmanship. I like watching you market. Good on ya.

The thing is the snake crawled into it and died.

Marketing fail.

We can’t find it anywhere in it, without breaking it or really damaging the fabric.

Soooo . . . decomposing dead snake in loveseat? Sounds great! How much do you want for this again?

It was a male (I think) boa, three years old, about 3 feet long,

Cool. So now I can picture what I’m smelling.

and hasn’t been seen for weeks, maybe a month. So the mystery has been solved. The loveseat must go.

I agree, it must go. But probably not in the furniture for sale section.

Found by: Lindsey S on Humboldt Craigslist

Stephen Spooky gross, unsanitary

Found by: Lesley on Kansas City Craigslist

FOAM BLOCKS-FREE TO ANY HOME! GOOD FOR TARGET PRACTICE, PLAY FORTS, DOCKS, SCULPTING. USE YOUR IMAGINATION! TAKE AS MANY AS YOU WANT, TAKE THEM ALL! ATTACHED ARE PICS, THEY USED TO BE STACKED UNITL MY GRANDSONS HAD A BLAST MAKING FORTS & CLIMBING ON THEM. CAN BE CLEANED WITH A SOFT BRISTLE BRUSH.

Foam? Or delicious blue cheese? Same mold, anyhow. When your kids play with these, they’ll be plenty sick for a few days, but they’ll develop superhero-like immunity forever after. Just in time for the swine flu pandemic!

Stephen classy dirty, suggested uses, ugly, unsanitary

Found by: Donna on

I found the scull of a small animal. Raccoon? Cat? Chihuahua? Arf!!! First come, first served. If ad is up, items still available. Pickup only, Will consider interesting trades.

Ianno, I have an emergency project for you, table the pissing toad until next month. Turn this into a codpiece, tout suite. I need it by Halloween.

Stephen classy mysterious, unsanitary

Found by: diddumsmasterpoodank on Ebay

17-Year-Locust Molted Shed Skin Specimen

I went out for a walk this morning. Picked up a crushed Wendy’s soft drink cup (with lid and straw). Found an old Corona bottle, with about 1/4 inch of beer at the bottom. Oh, yeah, and there was a baby’s sock. Just one. Got that, too.

Time to sign in to my eBay account and start getting rich. Well, y’know, rich in post-economic meltdown terms, where a guy with a cicada shell for sale is one step ahead of a guy without a cicada shell for sale.

Stephen classy bug for sale, gross, unsanitary

Found by: Brian on Seattle Craigslist

In more or less fine working order (very slow leak from bottom, like a slow drip… not sure how easy it would be to fix), moving out of state and need it taken off the lot. Was using while house was under construction. Is probably about 2/3 full so you will need to empty it and give it a good scrubbing to get it clean and odor free. Would like it moved by Sunday. You haul it away.
Also selling old space themed pinball machine ($300), free GE washer/dryer (old but working), free pull out sofa bed that has a few stains but is in ok shape and collection of vintage adult magazines for 60s and 70s ($200). I’ll upload pics of the other items later. You pick up on any items.

So it’s full of human waste and it’s leaking? I can’t believe my good fortune. This is how I felt when I won the Olympic Decathlon. On the day my first child was born. To my supermodel wife. Who, by the way, was back in modeling form in about six weeks.

Given the price this guy is trying to get for used porn, I’m surprised he’s not trying to get top dollar for his spectacular “Honey Bucket.”

Stephen classy disturbing, gross, unsanitary

Found On: Indianapolis Craigslist By: Laura H

free corner couch that was part of like an 1800$ couch, house to small for it left on front pouch and dogs kinda got it all dirty, but still in fair shape. i do have this add up for the couch on another posting, just as the first one the matieral is stain resistant velour and comes off very easily just dont want to mess with it n plus dont have room

I saw this and thought – “Just think of the science fair project I could have! This wedge of ick must contain entire germ civilizations! I’ll bet a replacement for penicillin could be harvested from cultures somewhere on this chair – that crevice between the two cushions looks like the sweet spot. College scholarship, here I come!”

Sadly, I checked the rules for the 2009 Central Indiana Science & Engineering Fair. It’s a no go:

“The following list of prohibited items cannot be part of any display at the Regional Science Fair:

-Water or other liquids, even in a sealed container.
-Living or formerly living materials including:

Plants, animals, or microbes (bacteria, molds, yeasts, or algae).
Spoiled food or other decomposing organic matter.
Microbial cultures.
Soil or waste samples.
Preserved plant or animal material including: dried plant material and taxidermy specimens or parts.
Human or animal parts (exceptions: hair, teeth, nails, bones, histological sections, and wet-mount tissue slides)
Human or animal food

-Sharp items
-Flames or highly flammable materials
-Tanks with any substances under pressure
-Batteries with open-top cells
-Poisons, drugs, or controlled substances
-Dry ice or other sublimating solids
-Moving parts with unprotected belts and/or pulleys
-Class III and IV lasers
-Other items which in the judgment of the Safety Committee of the Regional Science Fair pose a threat to the health of safety of participants, judges, or spectators”

So I guess my competition dreams are off the table, but maybe I can come up with something involving a Class I or II laser. Or fingernails.

In other news:”stain resistant”?

Nit Picker as-is couch, dirty, furniture, missing pieces, unsanitary

Found On: CNJ Craigslist By: Colleen

First come first serve. Very comfortable. You have to do all the hauling, I live on the second floor, so bring help. I hurt my back years ago serving my country.

OK, you served your country, we thank you. But that means I have to take out your most repulsive refuse? Isn’t there an agency for that? You know – good old garbage collection? I see this and wonder: can someone offering for free the corpse of the family dog be far behind? I mean, if I’m gonna take this mattress, I may as well use the dog as a pillow.

Nit Picker Spooky creepy, dubious, evidence, gross, mattress, suspicious, unsanitary

Found On: Memphis Craigslist By: Molly

It would be a shame to throw this brown leather Lazy Boy type recliner away. Somebody could really enjoy this recliner. It belongs to the estate of a deacesed friend and needs to be removed from the home.

Yes, it would be a shame, a damned shame. There’s years of use left in that thing.

Sure, the (p)leather is stained, worn, and torn.

Sure, it smells like the man who sat in it every day for 40 years. And the beer he spilled on it. And the cigarettes he smoked until he finally quit 12 years ago.

Sure, the filth covering the carpet around the chair started on the chair and had to either slide off or leak through it to get to the floor. Over and over.

And yes, sure, there may be dormant spores of Legionnaire’s Disease the former chair-sitter brought back from Philadelphia in ’76, visiting for the the Bicentennial.

No question, sure, the nooks and crannies of the buttoned tufts contain forty years of tiny hairs, dandruff, sloughed-off skin, and lazy nose-pickings that never made it to a Kleenex.

Yes, yes, sure, if your parents caught a glimpse of it they’d wonder what the hell had gone wrong with you, and send the pastor over to have a talk.

Of course, sure, if anyone were to come into your house and see this chair, they would turn around and leave, probably screaming, and at least trembling.

And OK, sure, this chair would guarantee the end of any existing romantic relationships and as well ensure the absence of any future ones.

Uh huh, sure, your landlord probably could find some clause in the lease that ownership of this chair would violate.

But you could really enjoy it.

Nit Picker as-is furniture, gross, old, owner dead, ugly, unsanitary