Item not as described.

Found On: Houston Craigslist

By: Preston P

I have a Large pile of Broken Concrete from inside home! Will Help Load!

Look, it’s Christmas Eve, you don’t have any ideas, and the stores are closing early anyway. This is as good as it’s gonna get. Just wrap them up and call them paperweights.

Stephen as-is broken, unwieldy, useless, wtf

It’s a bumper crop of hazardous waste disposal “freebies.” I thought these were bad, but this “tanker trailer” has the added bonus of being completely unwieldy.

Found by: Matt on Boston Craigslist

Tanker trailer
Tanker is full of asphalt

Found by: Alex on Cincinnati Craigslist

I NEED THESE GONE ASAP BRING A TRAILER AND SOME HELP THEY EXTREMELY HEAVY HAVE AN ASPHALT SEALER IN THEM KEROSENE WILL CLEAN THEM OUT GOOD I HAVE 2 THIS SIZE AND A SMALLER ROUND ONE NEED GONE AGAIN ASAP EMAIL FOR ADDRESS HAVE PICS OF THE OTHER ONES BUT WONT LOAD ON CRAIGSLIST

Mmmm, caked with carcinogens. We can’t be far from the day someone advertises “free fill from Superfund site. That’s right, the government thinks this dirt is ‘super’! Come on down and take all you want!”

Stephen as-is unsafe, unwieldy

Found On: Bay Area

“Free pompous grass. I’m digging it all up out of my yard this week.”

But be warned: you’ll want to dig it all up out of your yard as well, probably around the tenth time it starts yammering about that semester it spent as part of the landscape at Oxford.

Jessica Uncategorized as-is, entity, garden, nature, unwieldy

Found by: ShutterTyme on Augusta Craigslist

I have a fiberglass boat top thing..I don’t know the correct name but posted a pic.. And yes it is FREE

Boat top? Think bigger. Do a little imagineering. I see a nice makeshift tollbooth to put out in the middle of my street. There’s money to be made out there, it may as well be me making it.

Stephen Some Assembly Required boat, suggested uses, unwieldy

Found by: Stephanie on Washington DC Craigslist

Made for a pimps and ho’s party. Have 2 and now only need one. Very sturdy and heavy duty. Has fans that blows skirts up on the stage. Made from scratch. VERY HEAVY!!! Will need a pickup or trailer. Pole does come out. $300 cash and pickup only. Buy it and rent it out!

Lowballers and scammers will be ignored

Can deliver during the week after 5 pm. The weekends, will have to make an appointment.

Just for fun, I checked to see if this is still available. Well, some 40 days later, it’s still for sale. Surprise! Maybe devoting a large chunk of your living room to emulating a strip club isn’t as spectacular an idea as I would have thought. Maybe “pimp and ho” parties are on the wane. Maybe irony is dead. Or maybe that price has to come down just a wee bit. I mean, that’s no Elvis potato chip you’re selling there. Though I admit, the potato chip lacks skirt-blowing technology.

Stephen classy unwieldy

Found by: Starr St. Louis Craigslist

*****THESE 2 KNIGHTS THEY STAND 5 FT TALL THEY ARE MADE OF METAL AND ARE BLACKISH GOLD WILL TAKE 45.00 FOR THE PAIR EACH ONE SHEILD WEPON CALL ME THANK YOU NEED TO GO ASAP ******* they are tall and cool NEED TO GO SOON NEED MONEY

Home security services are expensive. There’s the set up, then the monthly fees, and hell, if you cancel, they probably send someone to rob you just to prove you shouldn’t have. But here’s an alternative. An easy one-time cost, and your home will forever be safe. Place these on the steps and no one – no one – will ever break in. They’ll figure if you’re crazy enough to put these up outside, god knows what’s going on inside. Of course, no one will ever visit, either, except the president of the Homeowners Association. She’ll have a cease-and-desist order with her. It may be a match for your knights.

It’s going to get pretty crowded inside if you bring them in.

Stephen classy mysterious, scary dolls, unwieldy

Found by: Brian on Pittsburgh Craigslist

I HAVE 7 JAIL CELLS FOR SALE EVERY THING WORKS KEYS TOILETS BEDS THE DOORS THERE CORR. PANELS SCREWED TO THE TOP , WHEN THEY ARE OFF THE TOP IS ALL BARS ( NEAT) COME UP WITH AN IDEA FOR USE , A-1 SHAPE ,WHAT THE HELL CAN YOU DO WITH THIS? THINK!

This jail is apparently moving to a “free range” format.

But maybe you, with your antiquated ideas about corrections, still think bars are okay. Well, take them then, but god have mercy on your inmates, Warden Bambridge.

Stephen Some Assembly Required disturbing, incarceration, unwieldy

Found by: Jodi on Portland Craiglist

One old ATM machine, no computer or monitor included. Could work well as a safe(includes the key), or an interesting sculpture, or as scrap. It’s heavy (over 200lbs) I do not have a title for it.

Easy comment – “ATM machine” is redundant, dumbass!

Better comment – Free hole in your living room floor -”Just a liiiitle bit further to the . . .” [crash/wailing/water-spraying-from-broken-pipes] “Honey, I told you that ‘interesting sculpture’ thing was a lie.”

Correct comment – Newest post for itemlikelytoincriminate.

Stephen Some Assembly Required itemlikelytoincriminate, probably illegal, unwieldy

Found by: Joanne on Orlando Craigslist

Free 4000 gallon aquarium that was used for a Pond / Koi business situated at a nursery that closed down. Use it as an aquarium (you will need to provide all the parts needed as it is just the concrete and stone) or you can use it as a sign for your business or neighborhood, built of solid block so it will need to be moved in one piece. Since it is solid it is quite heavy (upwards of 25,000.00 lbs. . Email with any questions.

To be moved using heavy equipment. Solid concrete . Please you must have the means to do this . please do not contact if you cannot /do not have the experience. This unit was a showplace and would make a great backyard focal point.

From the voting page, I can tell people don’t think this belongs here, and I think I know why – this is completely awesome. A huge commercial-aquarium-sized aquarium. Actually, “huge” doesn’t begin to describe it – this is the Empire State Building of aquaria. It could be Aquaman’s downtown office. I would love to have this in my backyard. I could have penguins!

Couple little problems, though:

1. Does anyone on Earth have room for this in their back yard?

2. Can you afford to buy your neighbor’s house, just to raze it to make room to get this into your backyard?

3. Keep in mind that this is just the rock superstructure; do you have the tens of thousands of dollars it will cost to recreate the aquarium and elaborate pump and filtration systems?

4. And how, exactly, do you plan to move this 25,000 pound (i.e., 12.5 ton) behemoth? I know, you think maybe you could borrow Jeff’s pickup, right? Think again. You’re gonna need an in with the Army Corps of Engineers. This is going to take something with eight-foot tires.

So I’m with you – I vote “awesome.” But I also vote “Impossible.”

Stephen Epic Listing block out the sun big, unwieldy

Found by: Colin Y on Sacramento Craigslist

I have a fridge that needs a new home. I was leaking and the doors got tossed out. If someone wants it come and pick it up. Thanks

A leaking, doorless refrigerator? Are you sure that’s all you want to get rid of? Why not just go for it, and try to unload a few other burdens? You never know who may bite!*

“Also available: my malaise, my genetic predisposition to pancreatic cancer, my inferiority and Oedipus complexes, and my poor credit rating. Must take all. No delivery.”

_{*”You never know” – the anemic lifeblood of free classifieds.}

Stephen Some Assembly Required missing pieces, unwieldy, useless