Item not as described.

Found On: Bay Area

“The rocking chair and settee are very very old.”

Very, very old. Like, Civil War old. In fact, I’m pretty sure this furniture fought in the Civil War. I don’t know where that hole could have come from other than the Battle of Gettysburg.

Jessica as-is Add new tag, broken, furniture, useless, wrecked

Found On: Houston Craigslist

By: Preston P

I have a Large pile of Broken Concrete from inside home! Will Help Load!

Look, it’s Christmas Eve, you don’t have any ideas, and the stores are closing early anyway. This is as good as it’s gonna get. Just wrap them up and call them paperweights.

Stephen as-is broken, unwieldy, useless, wtf

Found On: Bay Area

This is one of those free postings that make me appreciate the place of the philosopher in modern society. I’m pretty sure a dissertation – a master’s thesis at the very least – could be written on whether and under what conditions this item can be called a chair.

Maybe something like (with hat tip to Zizek) “this Deleuzian chair is, of course, not simply outside non-chairness; rather, in the ’stratigraphic’ superimposition, in this moment of chairfulness, it is CHAIR ITSELF which we experience, but in contrast, chair as opposed to the evolutionary flow of things WITHIN the chair domain.”

I’m not sure what that means, but I think it’s something like “there’s no effing way this counts as a chair.”

Stephen as-is Add new tag, broken, busted, depressing, furniture, useless

Found On: Dallas Craigslist

FREE, COME AND GET IT, LET ME KNOW WHEN YOU COME TO GET IT SO I CAN BE THERE. JUST RESPONED TO THIS ADD AND I WILL CALL YOU ASAP

Well, of course, you can’t get the job done without one of . . . what’s that now? An old pick-up bed? Cattle feeding trough? Post-explosion propane tank? Wait, wait, don’t tell me – one half of a sensory-deprivation isolation tank, turned into a wildflower planter! The very one used by William Hurt in “Altered States.” A little piece of movie history, right here.

Stephen as-is unknown, useless, what is it, wtf

Found On: San Diego Craigslist By: Kay G

I haye the remanies of a jeep CJ5 body and chassis and windshield, no drivetrain parts at all. what is left is straight and use able ,no title , must must take all.

I look at this and see only a cattle skeleton, bleached by the sun after decades in the desert. It’s astonishing what those coyotes can do to a carcass.

Stephen Some Assembly Required jeep, rusty, useless

Found by: pelagic80 on Jackson Craigslist

south of vicksburg 10 miles… we have 3 freezers that need to be fed to the hogs.. they are full and some food may be ok but we want to clean them completely out ..

there is a lot of bread and buns..some Vegitables from garden and some fish from river and some misc…

would suggest you feed it to dogs, hogs or whatever you want…I am giving it as trash…..but I ate fish from it last week seemed a little old …

must take everything in all 3 freezers..

The old “come clean up some garbage I have lying around” ploy. Directed to a very small group of potential customers – feed-scrounging hog farmers.

I enjoy the added disgusting element of “how do I know the fish went bad? I ate some.”

Right now, I’m just praying that little Timmy in the picture there isn’t entombed in of one of the refrigerators. With the fish he’s holding.

Here’s another trash pick-up request:

Read more…

Stephen as-is broken, expired, food, gross, must take all!, useless

Found by: Colin Y on Sacramento Craigslist

I have a fridge that needs a new home. I was leaking and the doors got tossed out. If someone wants it come and pick it up. Thanks

A leaking, doorless refrigerator? Are you sure that’s all you want to get rid of? Why not just go for it, and try to unload a few other burdens? You never know who may bite!*

“Also available: my malaise, my genetic predisposition to pancreatic cancer, my inferiority and Oedipus complexes, and my poor credit rating. Must take all. No delivery.”

_{*”You never know” – the anemic lifeblood of free classifieds.}

Stephen Some Assembly Required missing pieces, unwieldy, useless

Found On: Cincinnati Craigslist By: Jojo

1969 16 foot fiberglass boat with fins on back. no interior, no trailer, no outboard, no title, just a boat hull. could chop it down and make a skiff. or apply for title and they will send you a new vin and title, it dont cost anything, just takes awhile to get it in the mail. bring a trailer or dont show up. Hasnt been on the ground long, dont have to take the sticks, just thru them in a couple weeks ago. need to clean up yard.

That is some salesmanship there. Let’s say I have this boat I really need to unload. It’s in bad shape, and it’s taken over my yard. The kids can’t play, I can’t invite my buddies over for barbecues, and I think there may be some rabid rodents making themselves at home in the boat’s darkest recesses. It would be great if I could get rid of this thing. So great, in fact, that I don’t even want to try to sell it. That will take too long. I’ll just give it away. I repeat, I need to get rid of this boat.

So what can I do to accomplish this? I have an idea. Before I photograph the boat, I will fill it with yard waste. An enormous bunch of sticks, obscuring the boat and reminding people of the Blair Witch Project. That will help move this thing. I may also set it on fire. No, wait, here’s what I’ll do. I will put a life-sized cardboard cut-out of Hitler in front of the boat. Oh, man! No, now I have it – I will decapitate two stray dogs. I will sew their heads onto a third dog. I will photograph this Cerberus-like monstrosity in front of the boat, with the Hitler cut-out holding the leash!* Bang! I’m pretty sure I have this sales thing down. Now, what should I do to spice up the Hyundai I’m selling . . .

*Did this one go a l’il bit too far? No? I didn’t think so, either.

Nit Picker as-is as-is, boat, broken, dirty, manual labor, useless

Found On: Humbodlt Craigslist By: K Hedges

This sign is about 12 feet long and once graced the side of the Mckinleyville branch of Humboldt Bank. It’s made out of some sort of plastic.

With the “credit crunch,” the federal government is anxious to get banks up and running. We need lending to oil the delicate mechanism of American capitalism. TARP funds are available, “stress tests” are administered, and the Federal Reserve offers an incredibly low discount rate. With all of this assistance and attention given to the financial sector, there’s no reason you shouldn’t take home a piece of the pie.

Instead of griping about your layoff, get something started. Think big. Be ambitious. I know, you never thought you’d open a bank. You know little about lending (you’re more of a borrower). You have only $430 in your savings account. But the time is right. Tim Geithner wants the Bank of You to open its doors, today. Of course, there will be start-up costs. But you can cut corners here and there, and save big. Little known fact: the most expensive part of opening a bank is signage. Wells Fargo almost failed due to inadequate signs back in the ‘30’s. So call your new bank “Humboldt Bank,” use this sign, and you’ll slash your costs. Better yet, get a partner. Split responsibilities: you bring the sign, she does everything else. Everybody wins.

Nit Picker as-is dubious, large, unwieldy, useless

Found On: Washington D.C. Craigslist

By: Kegan Q

EPSON LQ-850; Needs a new printhead, will include extra ribbons.

Honest to god, I originally wrote down “Don’t Matrix Printer.” My subconscious has strong feelings about obsolete technology. I believe this model originated in 1990. There’s some name for that era, like Jurassic or Pleistocene, but later. The PreInternetlian? I don’t know, but I do know that this printer is of interest to techno-paleontologists alone. Don’t be deceived by the nice presentation, this is as useful to you as a Commodore 64 with a few stuck keys (awaits angry comments from old-timey C64 hobbyists).

Nit Picker as-is broken, old, technology, unlikely takers, useless